Today, the word narcissist is used to describe pretty much everyone. It is used casually because someone read something from the internet somewhere.
There’s that vapid attention seeker on your social media feed who’s constantly posting pictures of themselves—heavily filtered, let’s be real. There’s also your friend’s ex who jumped into a new relationship, days after dumping them.
But… are those people true narcissists?
Do they meet the clinical definition?
And are we able to diagnose them?
Hardly.
Let’s take a closer look.
What Makes Someone an Actual Narcissist?
According to research, only a small fraction of the population—1 to 2 percent—are true narcissists, according to the clinical definition outlined in the DSM 5.
As stated in this article by the NIH,
“Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is characterized by a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, interpersonal exploitativeness, and lack of empathy, beginning in early adulthood and manifests in a variety of contexts.”
As explained in this NIH article, a clinical diagnosis requires an individual to meet at least 5 of the following:
- Having a grandiose sense of self-importance, exaggerating achievements and talents, expecting to be recognized as superior even without commensurate achievements
- Preoccupation with fantasies of success, power, beauty, and idealization
- Belief in being “special” and that they can only be understood by or associated with other high-status people (or institutions)
- Demanding excessive admiration
- Sense of entitlement
- Exploitation behaviors
- Lack of empathy
- Envy towards others or belief that others are envious of them
- Arrogant, haughty behaviors and attitudes
Most people who meet the diagnostic criteria necessary to be considered a narcissist don’t see themselves as having a problem, hence they never seek treatment.
Narcissists tend to seek therapy only after being given an ultimatum, or required as part of a court order.
Many family members can recognize some of these behaviors and tend to have their reality discounted as if they are crazy (otherwise known as gaslighting)
Narcissists vs. Narcissistic Traits
As human beings, we all have narcissistic tendencies. It’s partially rooted in survival—if we don’t look out for ourselves and our own needs, we could easily perish.
All sorts of people are preoccupied with their appearance, or get caught up in visions of success. Many also experience a little twinge of envy when someone does well—that little pang of, “why not me?”
The tricky part about mental health is it exists on a spectrum. Just like a little depression or anxiety, a small amount of narcissistic-like behavior from time to time is completely normal.
It’s only when it interferes with our day-to-day life that it becomes an issue.
People who worry that they may be a narcissist are typically not. A narcissist likely doesn’t identify as one, and even if they do, they may not care.
People who genuinely care about other people in a non-transactional way and are strong enough to see their inherent value without needing to be constantly validated and adored are not narcissistic.
And if you love a little validation or adoration, that doesn’t make you a narcissist either. It just makes you human.
People are complicated. Our brains and behavior are influenced by so many different things, and the only way to measure where someone falls on the spectrum is through their behavior and self-reporting, based on their lived experience.
Then, as is the case with any mental health diagnosis, only a licensed mental health professional is able to make the determination if someone meets the qualifying criteria or not.
So, if you’re worried posting a picture of yourself or sharing that you finally graduated with your Masters is narcissistic, don’t worry. It’s not.
You have every right to share a picture of yourself or feel proud of your accomplishments.
Therapy in Roseville, CA, Fair Oaks, CA, or Online in California:
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