Healing After Betrayal: Expert Infidelity Counseling and Therapy
Has a Betrayal or An Affair Created Havoc in Your Relationship?
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Your partner had an affair.
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Now, you’ve found out about all the lies and you’re not sure how you can trust them again.
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You’re not sure if you can ever forgive your partner for their infidelity.
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You wonder if you can move forward in your relationship or if you should be done with your relationship?
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Or maybe, you had an affair, and you feel very guilty. You want to fix your relationship, but you’re not sure how.
Understanding the Impact of Infidelity on Your Life
It can be devastating to learn that your partner has betrayed you. Whatever form it takes, regardless of if it was an emotional or physical affair, it feels like a kick in the gut. You may feel like you can never forgive or trust them again. You’re feeling lots of emotions: anger, shock, hurt, sadness, anxiety, confusion, hopelessness, humiliation, and embarrassment. In fact, many people think to themselves “I’m so stupid, how could I not have known.” Now, you feel isolated and alone. You’re unsure about the future of your relationship.
The Changing Face of Infidelity in the Digital Age
- 24/7 Accessibility: Meetup apps, internet pornography, and social media platforms are available round the clock, providing unprecedented opportunities for secretive communications and encounters.
- Blurred Boundaries: These digital tools allow people to become physically and emotionally intimate with complete strangers or reconnect with past flings, often blurring the lines between innocent interaction and emotional infidelity.
- Workplace Dynamics: The rate of women having affairs has increased, partly due to more women working outside the home, leading to expanded social circles and potential temptations.
- Virtual Intimacy: Online interactions can create a false sense of intimacy, leading some individuals to engage in emotional affairs that can be just as damaging as physical ones.
While technology is not an excuse for infidelity, it helps explain why so many couples today are seeking marriage counseling for infidelity. The ease of hiding digital communications and the addictive nature of online interactions have created new challenges for maintaining fidelity in relationships.
It’s crucial to recognize these modern risks and establish clear boundaries around digital communications in your relationship. If you’re struggling with technology-related infidelity issues, seeking professional counseling for infidelity can help you navigate these complex waters and rebuild trust.
You found about the affair. Now, you’re not sure what to do.
Maybe your partner says, “I’m sorry. It won’t happen again. Can we just move on?” I’ve already answered your questions.” “Why can’t you just let it go?” But you can’t forget about it. Because their affair is haunting your thoughts. Anger overwhelms you, and you feel out of control. You keep wondering how this could have happened. Now, you want to know your partner’s whereabouts at all times because you can’t trust them to be where they say they are.
What you may not realize is these are all symptoms of trauma. And these feelings must be acknowledged by both partners before healing can begin.
What if I was the one who had the affair?
If you were the one who was unfaithful, you may be struggling with feelings of guilt and shame. You’re wondering how to make your partner feel better. Maybe you’ve tried to heal the pain you caused your partner, but your apologies are met with an angry response. You can feel the tension between the two of you. Sometimes the feelings of guilt and shame cause you to be defensive in return. You are not sure that your relationship will ever be okay again. How are you ever going to move forward and get your partner to trust you again?
The Path to Healing: How Infidelity Counseling Can Transform Your Relationship
During marriage counseling for infidelity, you and your partner will:
- Address Emotional Wounds: Work through the pain, anger, and betrayal caused by the affair in a safe, controlled setting.
- Rebuild Trust: Learn practical strategies to restore faith in each other and your relationship.
- Improve Communication: Develop healthier ways to express needs, fears, and expectations.
- Explore Root Causes: Understand the factors that may have contributed to the infidelity without excusing the behavior.
- Process Shame and Guilt: The partner who had the affair will have space to work through their feelings of shame, which is crucial for genuine change.
- Navigate Forgiveness: Explore what forgiveness means for your relationship and how to move towards it at your own pace.
Our approach to affair counseling ensures that both partners are heard and respected. We create a balanced environment where the betrayed partner can express their hurt and anger, while also allowing the partner who had the affair to process their shame and remorse. This dual focus is essential for true healing and relationship recovery.
Remember, seeking therapy for infidelity is not about assigning blame, but about understanding, healing, and rebuilding. With professional guidance, many couples find they can emerge from this challenge with a stronger, more resilient relationship than before.
The Phases of Infidelity Counseling:
Infidelity Counseling: Phase One – Reducing Stress
The beginning stage of infidelity counseling focuses on reducing symptoms of post-traumatic stress for the betrayed partner. As we mentioned before, an affair causes trauma in a relationship and the partner who was betrayed can show symptoms of PTSD.
This phase requires a lot of patience by the person who had the affair. They must be willing to hear repetitive questions about the affair and answer openly and honestly. Even if these questions are difficult or painful. The whole truth must come out. How this partner responds will greatly influence how effective counseling is.
Eventually, the betrayed person feels they have heard the full truth, the couple can move on to the next phase of counseling.
Infidelity Counseling: Phase Two – Rebuilding
Infidelity Counseling: Phase Three – Finding Intimacy
It’s important to note that these phases are not strictly linear. Couples may move back and forth between phases as they work through their emotions and rebuild their relationship.
Online Infidelity Counseling in California
At The Relationship Therapy Center we understand that your life can be very busy and it is often hard to coordinate schedules with your partner. Therefore, we are please to offer online therapy for affair recovery to adults who are both physically located in the state of California. This allows you both to work repairing your relationship after an affair at a time that works in your schedule. We offer online therapy appointments in the evening and on weekends to make getting high quality help for your relationship even easier.
Does couples counseling after cheating really work?
The short answer: YES! Couples counseling can repair a marriage, even if trust has been broken by infidelity.
Infidelity changes a relationship. It temporarily breaks the foundation of trust between partners. But, infidelity does not have to end in divorce. Healing happens by processing the betrayal, rebuilding trust, and working to find forgiveness.
Most couples can get to the other side of infidelity stronger than they were before. One client said that although he won’t forget the betrayal, getting to the other side of it had given him a stronger relationship than before. Marriage counseling after infidelity works!
Don’t try to fix your relationship alone after an affair has happened. It takes a trained couples therapist to help clients repair their relationship. Without help, your attempts at fixing your relationship could actually cause harm and distance.
Common Questions about Infidelity Counseling:
What if the affair is still going on?
Infidelity counseling is not recommended if the affair is still on-going. The one involved in the affair must be willing to end the affair. They must be willing to recommit to their marriage or relationship.
If they’re not willing to end their affair, you can still benefit from individual relationship counseling to process how you feel about their betrayal and how you want to proceed in your relationship.
What if we can’t repair our relationship?
It’s a common worry that you won’t be able to save or repair your relationship after infidelity. However, the truth is that overcoming infidelity is possible. Many couples have done it. In fact, many couples who participate in infidelity recovery often reconnect and find that their relationships are better than ever.
That said, sometimes even with infidelity counseling, a couple decides that separation or divorce is the best option. In this case, your therapist can help you to uncouple with respect. Throughout the therapy process, both of you will learn so much about yourselves and relationships that it will likely help you in future relationships as well.
How to stop overthinking after being cheated on?
Overthinking is common after infidelity, but you can manage it by:
- Practicing mindfulness and meditation
- Engaging in regular physical exercise
- Seeking individual therapy to process your emotions
- Establishing healthy communication boundaries with your partner
- Focusing on self-care and personal growth
Can true love overcome infidelity?
While challenging, many couples do overcome infidelity with committed effort, professional help, and time. True love alone isn’t enough – it requires hard work, open communication, and a willingness from both partners to rebuild trust and intimacy.
Is infidelity a mental issue?
Infidelity itself isn’t classified as a mental health disorder. However, it can be influenced by or contribute to mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, or personality disorders. In some cases, it may be a symptom of sex addiction or intimacy disorders.
Do cheaters change with therapy?
Many individuals who have cheated can change their behavior with therapy. Effective counseling helps them understand the root causes of their actions, develop empathy for their partner, and learn healthier ways to address relationship issues. However, change requires genuine commitment and effort from the individual.
Does infidelity ever stop hurting?
The pain of infidelity can diminish over time, especially with proper counseling and effort from both partners. While the memory may not completely fade, many couples report that the acute pain subsides and they’re able to build a stronger relationship. However, healing is a personal journey and the timeline varies for each individual.
How long should it take to heal from infidelity?
There’s no set timeline for healing from infidelity – it’s a highly individual process. Some couples report significant improvement within 6-12 months of starting therapy, while for others, it may take 2-5 years to fully rebuild trust. The healing process depends on factors such as the nature of the infidelity, the couple’s commitment to recovery, and the effectiveness of their therapy.
Begin Infidelity Counseling in the Sacramento Area:
If you are ready to learn how to deal with the problems in your relationship, the therapists at The Relationship Therapy Center in Fair Oaks, CA and Roseville, CA can help! Our therapists are ready to support you and your partner in your journey towards creating a healthy and happy relationship. To begin counseling in the Sacramento, CA area, please follow these three simple steps:
- Contact our counseling office to get more information about infidelity counseling and to schedule a free consultation
- Make an appointment with one of our relationship therapists.
- Find support and healing after an affair.
Other Services offered at The Relationship Therapy Center in California:
In addition to infidelity counseling, Our Sacramento area counseling clinics located in Roseville and Fair Oaks, CA are pleased to offer a variety of mental health services. Our couples services include: Counseling after infidelity, sex therapy, co-parent counseling, family therapy, divorce counseling, intensive couples retreats, and premarital counseling. Our individual therapy services include, therapy for children, teen therapy, depression treatment, and individual relationship counseling. Our therapists offer online counseling in California to treat a variety of mental health concerns. Please reach out to our Sacramento area therapy office to learn more about the many ways we can help you or your loved ones heal and grow.
Reach out to start your healing journey today