Infidelity Counseling

Has a Betrayal or An Affair Created Havoc in Your Relationship?

Your partner had an affair.
Now, you’ve found out about all the lies and you’re not sure how you can trust them again.
You’re not sure if you can ever forgive your partner for their infidelity.
You wonder if you can move forward in your relationship or if you should be done with your relationship?
Or maybe, you had an affair, and you feel very guilty. You want to fix your relationship, but you’re not sure how.

It can be devastating to learn that your partner has betrayed you. Whatever form it takes, regardless of if it was an emotional or physical affair, it feels like a kick in the gut. You may feel like you can never forgive or trust them again. You’re feeling lots of emotions: anger, shock, hurt, sadness, anxiety, confusion, hopelessness, humiliation, and embarrassment. In fact, many people think to themselves “I’m so stupid, how could I not have known.” Now, you feel isolated and alone. You’re unsure about the future of your relationship.

The rate of infidelity in relationships is growing due to modern technology

Infidelity is not a new phenomenon in relationships. But, modern technology may be contributing to an increase in physical and emotional affairs. Meetup Apps, internet pornography, and social media are available 24/7. These allow people to become physically and emotionally intimate with complete strangers or past flings. While this is not an excuse for an affair, it helps to explain why so many couples are dealing with infidelity today. The rate of women having affairs has gone up as well because many women work outside the home.

You found about the affair. Now, you’re not sure what to do.

Maybe your partner says, “I’m sorry. It won’t happen again. Can we just move on?” I’ve already answered your questions.” “Why can’t you just let it go?” But you can’t forget about it. Because their affair is haunting your thoughts. Anger overwhelms you, and you feel out of control. You keep wondering how this could have happened. Now, you want to know your partner’s whereabouts at all times because you can’t trust them to be where they say they are.

What you may not realize is these are all symptoms of trauma. And these feelings must be acknowledged by both partners before healing can begin.

What if I was the one who had the affair?

If you were the one who was unfaithful, you may be struggling with feelings of guilt and shame. You’re wondering how to make your partner feel better. Maybe you’ve tried to heal the pain you caused your partner, but your apologies are met with an angry response. You can feel the tension between the two of you. Sometimes the feelings of guilt and shame cause you to be defensive in return. You are not sure that your relationship will ever be okay again. How are you ever going to move forward and get your partner to trust you again?

Infidelity counseling can help you and your relationship.

During couples counseling for infidelity, you and your partner will work with one of our trained therapists at the Relationship Therapy Center of Fair Oaks to heal emotional wounds caused by the affair. Then they will help you rebuild trust and respect in your relationship. Both parties will be heard. Our therapists will show respect to both partners and will allow both people to express their thoughts and feelings. Allowing the person who had an affair to process the shame of their betrayal is as important as discussing the hurt and anger of the one who was betrayed.

The Phases of Infidelity Counseling:

Healing from the pain caused by infidelity is a process and it takes time. The therapists at the Relationship Therapy Center break therapy down into three phases to help couples after an affair has occurred.

Infidelity Counseling: Phase One – Reducing Stress

The beginning stage of infidelity counseling focuses on reducing symptoms of post-traumatic stress for the betrayed partner. As we mentioned before, an affair causes trauma in a relationship and the partner who was betrayed can show symptoms of PTSD.

This phase requires a lot of patience by the person who had the affair. They must be willing to hear repetitive questions about the affair and answer openly and honestly. Even if these questions are difficult or painful. The whole truth must come out. How this partner responds will greatly influence how effective counseling is.

Eventually, the betrayed person feels they have heard the full truth, the couple can move on to the next phase of counseling.

Infidelity Counseling: Phase Two – Rebuilding

During the second phase, the couple begins re-building their marriage or relationship. During phase two we begin to explore what might have been wrong in the relationship that caused the affair to happen. In no way is the betrayed partner to be “blamed” for the other person cheating. It was not their choice. But understanding why one person felt compelled to have an affair allows us to understand if they had needs or desires that were not being met in their relationship. It’s important to understand the cause of infidelity so a couple can work through it and prevent it from being a problem in their new relationship. During this stage, each partner starts to examine their relationship. They are asked to accept responsibility for his or her role in problems that existed prior to the infidelity.

Infidelity Counseling: Phase Three – Finding Intimacy

In the last stage, the couple starts to rebuild emotional and physical intimacy. Sometimes the couple has already resumed. But, it is often in a way to comfort or reassurance. Regardless, a discussion about intimacy is needed so the couple can develop or strengthen rituals of connection, deepen friendship and admiration, and rebuild trust and commitment.

Online Infidelity Counseling in California

At The Relationship Therapy Center we understand that your life can be very busy and it is often hard to coordinate schedules with your partner. Therefore, we are please to offer online therapy for affair recovery to adults who are both physically located in the state of California. This allows you both to work repairing your relationship after an affair at a time that works in your schedule. We offer online therapy appointments in the evening and on weekends to make getting high quality help for your relationship even easier.

Does couples counseling after cheating really work?

The short answer: YES! Couples counseling can repair a marriage, even if trust has been broken by infidelity.

Infidelity changes a relationship. It temporarily breaks the foundation of trust between partners. But, infidelity does not have to end in divorce. Healing happens by processing the betrayal, rebuilding trust, and working to find forgiveness.

Most couples can get to the other side of infidelity stronger than they were before. One client said that although he won’t forget the betrayal, getting to the other side of it had given him a stronger relationship than before. Marriage counseling after infidelity works!

Don’t try to fix your relationship alone after an affair has happened. It takes a trained couples therapist to help clients repair their relationship. Without help, your attempts at fixing your relationship could actually cause harm and distance.

Common Questions about Infidelity Counseling:

What if the affair is still going on?

Infidelity counseling is not recommended if the affair is still on-going. The one involved in the affair must be willing to end the affair. They must be willing to recommit to their marriage or relationship.

If they’re not willing to end their affair, you can still benefit from individual relationship counseling to process how you feel about their betrayal and how you want to proceed in your relationship.

What if we can’t repair our relationship?

It’s a common worry that you won’t be able to save or repair your relationship after infidelity. However, the truth is that overcoming infidelity is possible. Many couples have done it. In fact, many couples who participate in infidelity recovery often reconnect and find that their relationships are better than ever.

That said, sometimes even with infidelity counseling, a couple decides that separation or divorce is the best option. In this case, your therapist can help you to uncouple with respect. Throughout the therapy process, both of you will learn so much about yourselves and relationships that it will likely help you in future relationships as well.

Begin Infidelity Counseling in the Sacramento Area:

If you are ready to learn how to deal with the problems in your relationship, the therapists at The Relationship Therapy Center in Fair Oaks, CA and Roseville, CA can help! Our therapists are ready to support you and your partner in your journey towards creating a healthy and happy relationship. To begin counseling in the Sacramento, CA area, please follow these three simple steps:

Contact our counseling office to get more information about infidelity counseling and to schedule a free consultation
Make an appointment with one of our relationship therapists.
Find support and healing after an affair.

Other Services offered at The Relationship Therapy Center in California:

In addition to infidelity counseling, Our Sacramento area counseling clinics located in Roseville and Fair Oaks, CA are pleased to offer a variety of mental health services. Our couples services include: Counseling after infidelity, sex therapy, co-parent counseling, family therapy, divorce counseling, intensive couples retreats, and premarital counseling. Our individual therapy services include, therapy for children, teen therapy, depression treatment, and individual relationship counseling. Our therapists offer online counseling in California to treat a variety of mental health concerns. Please reach out to our Sacramento area therapy office to learn more about the many ways we can help you or your loved ones heal and grow.

Reach out to start your healing journey today

(916) 426-2757

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