Relationship Therapy Center provides recovery from affair and infidelity counseling with experienced therapists in the greater Sacramento area, including Roseville and Fair Oaks, CA
Has a Betrayal or An Affair Created Havoc in Your Relationship?
Did you or your partner have an emotional or physical affair?
Maybe one of you has lied or kept major secrets?
Once the truth has come out have you completely lost your way?
Do you wonder how to even begin the repair process and regain trust?
Do you wonder if you should figure it out or be done with the relationship?
It can be devastating to learn that your partner has betrayed you. Whatever form it takes, it feels like a kick in the gut. You may feel like you can never forgive or trust again. You feel a huge range of emotions; anger, shock, hurt, sadness, anxiety, confusion, hopelessness, and they shift all the time. You may feel humiliated and embarrassed….many think to themselves “I’m so stupid.” You may feel isolated with nowhere to turn.
Maybe your partner says, “I’m sorry. It won’t happen again. Can we just move on.” I’ve already answered your questions” “Why can’t you just let it go?” But you can’t just let it go because thoughts and images haunt you. Anger overwhelms you and you feel out of control. You keep wondering how this could have happened and want to know your partners whereabouts. These are all symptoms of trauma and must be recognized by both partners before the process of healing can begin.
If you were the one who was unfaithful, you may be struggling with guilt and shame and wonder how to make it better. You may constantly think of ways to heal the pain you have caused to your relationship. Your attempts to reach out with apologies might just get an angry response. You can feel the tension between the two of you, you end up feeling guilty and shameful which sometimes caused defensiveness in return. You are not sure that this is ever going to be healed and wonder if this is the end. How are you ever going to move forward and rebuild the trust?
Even though infidelity is not new in relationships, modern technology may be contributing to an increase in physical and emotional affairs. Meetup Apps, internet pornography, and social media are available 24/7 which allows people to become physically and emotionally intimate with complete strangers or past flings. While this is not an excuse for an affair, it helps to explain why so many couples are dealing with infidelity today. The rate of woman having affairs has gone up as well due to many more of them in the workplace. Infidelity statistics are all over the place, but what we do see in our Roseville counseling center is that many couples can repair from an affair.
Infidelity rocks the relationship and temporarily erodes the foundation of trust, but it does not have to end in divorce. Healing by processing the betrayal, regaining trust, and then even forgiveness can happen. Don’t try to do this alone. It takes a trained counselor to help manage the repair process so it just doesn’t evolve into harm or distance. Seek professional help with an experienced infidelity counselor.
Infidelity Counseling Can Help.
During infidelity therapy sessions, you and your partner will work with one of our Relationship Therapy Center of Fair Oaks therapists in order to heal the emotional wounds and rebuild trust and respect in your relationship. Both parties will be heard without the one who had the affair being ganged up on. Processing the shame of the betrayal is equally as important and the hurt and anger of the one betrayed.
The beginning stage of infidelity counseling focuses on reducing the symptoms of post-traumatic stress in the betrayed partner. This is a time that requires a lot of patience by the person who had the affair. They must be willing to listen to repetitive questions and answer openly and honestly…even when difficult. The whole truth must come out here and nothing can still be hidden. How this partner responds will greatly influence how well the repair goes. These conversations are handled with the help of the counselor. Eventually, the betrayed person feels satisfied that they have heard the full truth and are able to move on to the next stage. Ways to reassure the betrayed spouse are agreed upon and being open with cell phones, email, etc might be necessary for a period of time.
The second stage begins re-building the marriage or relationship. We begin to explore what might have been wrong in the relationship that made the ground fertile for an affair to blossom. In no way is the betrayed partner to be “blamed” for the other person cheating. It was a choice. But we can being to see if there were some needs not being met and discussed by both parties previous to the affair. At this stage, each partner starts to examine and accept responsibility for his or her role in problems that existed prior to the infidelity.
In the last stage, the couple starts to restore emotional and physical intimacy. Although sometimes physical intimacy has previously resumed, it is often in a way to comfort one another and more discussion may be needed. You develop or strengthen rituals of connection, deepen friendship and admiration,and rebuild trust and commitment.
Most couples can get to the other side of infidelity stronger than they were before. One client commented that although he won’t forget the betrayal, getting to the other side of it had given him a stronger relationship than before.
What if the affair is still going on?
Infidelity counseling is not recommended if the affair is still on-going. The one involved in the affair must be willing to end the affair and be willing to recommit to the marriage or relationship.However you can benefit from individual counseling to process what’s going on for you and how you want to proceed.
What if we can’t repair our relationship?
It’s a common worry that your relationship won’t be able to be saved or repaired. However, the truth is that overcoming infidelity is possible, and many couples are able to. In fact, many couples who participate in infidelity recovery often reconnect and find that their relationships are better than ever.
That said, after working together during counseling, you and your partner may decide that separation or divorce is your best option. In this case, your therapist can help you to uncouple with respect. Throughout the therapy process, both of you will learn so much about yourselves and relationships that it will likely help you in future relationships as well.