Divorce Counseling & Discernment Counseling
You’re not sure if you should stay married to your partner.
It’s hard to believe your marriage is over and you’re divorced.
Re-building your life feels like a daunting task, and you’re not sure where to begin.
Common reactions to divorce include:
- Questions regarding what happened and what caused your break up
- Struggling to accept that your relationship has ended
- Experiencing lots of different emotions and feeling like your on an emotional roller coaster
- Feeling angry or betrayed because your partner was the one who wanted out
- Guilt for your decision to end your marriage and the hurt you have caused your partner
- Embarrassment or concern over what friends and family are going to think
- Feeling like a failure because you weren’t able to make the marriage work
- Fear of loving again for fear and possibly having another “failed” relationship

I’m not quite sure that I, or we, have made the decision to divorce
Are you struggling to decide if you should stay or go? Lots of people have trouble finding clarity regarding how they feel about their relationship. Sometimes people come to counseling in a last ditch effort. They’re hoping marriage counseling or pre-divorce counseling can save their marriage. But, soon it becomes clear that one of the partners really wants out and does not want to work on the relationship. When this happens, it helps to have a relationship therapist working along side you navigate the uncertainty and challenges of a divorce. We can help you have difficult conversations with your partner. Then, we can assist you in finding resolution without pushing a relationship counseling agenda.
Discernment/On-the-Brink Counseling
It is common at the end of a marriage for partners to be on different pages. One partner may want to stay married and believes in couples counseling, while the other partner may already have one foot out the door and doesn’t want to go to therapy. When this happens, it is called a mixed agenda couple. Studies have shown that even among couples that have already filed for divorce, more than one-third are mixed-agenda couples. Discernment counseling was created for this very situation, in the case where one partner is leaning towards divorce and the other is desperately hoping to preserve the marriage. During these times, a couple may need help considering their options, be it separation or divorce, keeping things as they are, or committing to staying together and working on their marriage.
If you or your spouse are considering divorce but are not completely sure that’s the best path, you are in a tough spot. Discernment Counseling is a chance to slowdown, take a breath, and look at your options for your marriage. The therapist will help you decide whether to try to restore your marriage to health, move toward divorce, or take a time out and decide later.
The goal is for you to gain clarity and confidence about a direction, based on a deeper understanding of your relationship and its possibilities for the future. The goal is not to solve your marital problems but to see if they are solvable. You will each be treated with compassion and respect no matter how you are feeling about your marriage at the moment.
One of you has made the decision to divorce
Whether the decision was made by you or your spouse, or you both mutually decided to divorce, there is a lot involved in this process. While lawyers help their clients deal with the legal aspects of divorce and/or separation, they are often unprepared to address the emotional aspects like grieving, co-parenting, and rebuilding one’s life. Divorce counseling is recommended when one or both members of the couple are determined to end the relationship. Its purpose is to end the marriage peacefully. The therapists at The Relationship Therapy Center in Roseville, CA and Fair Oaks, CA are trained to help you end your marriage in the best way possible. They also provide online divorce counseling if one or both of you can’t make it to in-person counseling. They can take you through the emotional process of splitting up. You can come in individually or as a couple for divorce counseling.
Unfortunately divorce is common:

Statistics show that the divorce rate has leveled out over the past few decades. Approximately 50% of all first marriages end in divorce. The divorce rates are even higher for second (60%) and third (70%) marriages. While these are sad statistics, they are also an indication that divorce is common. Therefore, counseling for divorce is becoming more common. Some even use the term now of “Conscious Uncoupling” as a way to dissolve a marriage in a respectful way that minimizes the damage to all.
Find Hope and Healing From Heartache in Divorce Counseling
In Divorce Counseling, we can help you find healthy ways to cope with your divorce. We will allow you to process your feelings, and you can even process whether you two are really finished (Discernment Counseling). Then, you can take the time to learn what went wrong in your relationship so that you don’t repeat yourself.
Divorce Counseling is a somewhat new form of therapy. Today, many couples are choosing divorce counseling because they want to cooperate with each other and avoid blame and angry interactions while they’re separating. The goal of divorce counseling is to have an amicable divorce, especially if there are children involved. If you are parents, we may also recommend co-parenting counseling so you can navigate this new challenge with grace and understanding.
The benefits of divorce counseling include:
- Working through your emotions about ending the marriage without shaming and blaming each other
- Understanding the predictable stages of the divorce process like when crises are most likely to occur. This allows you to maneuver through them easier
- Learning to say goodbye in a peaceful and productive way, while also honoring the time spent together
- Strengthening your communication and coping skills
- Learning how to establish rules and healthy boundaries to avoid unnecessary misunderstandings
- Time to work through your feelings, grieve the loss, and cope with challenges post-divorce
- Accept the end of your marriage, and turn what you think is a failure into an opportunity for personal growth
- Help you understand your part in the negative patterns present in your previous relationship so you don’t repeat them in future relationships

The Relationship Therapy Center’s Approach to Divorce Counseling in Fair Oaks, CA, Roseville CA, and online therapy in California
Our therapist will provide both partners a safe and structured way to work through their feelings together so they aren’t overflowing as you try to navigate important conversations. Ending your marriage with compassion and understanding can help reduce the symptoms of depression and anxiety that divorce often creates.
Divorce counseling can also help your children through the transition. If you can build a solid foundation of cooperative co-parenting, you can spare your children the pain of feeling like they have to choose mom or dad, or the pain of hearing you two fighting and not being able to attend children’s events.
Frequently Asked Questions about Divorce Counseling and Discernment Counseling:
Is there a right time to seek discernment counseling or divorce counseling?
There is no right or wrong time to seek divorce counseling. You may be in the beginning stages of deciding to divorce and would benefit from pre divorce counseling. Or, you may be separated or legally divorced, but you’re still struggling with anger and bitterness so you would benefit from post divorce counseling. Maybe you’re somewhere anywhere in between. Ideally, you would start counseling as soon as you begin thinking about leaving your partner. But we know sometimes this doesn’t happen. But, regardless of the timing, you can benefit from divorce counseling whenever you are struggling from the feelings you’re having about your separation. Frequently, couples enter marriage counseling as a last resort and discover that they just cannot find their way to reconciliation. The decision to separate is less difficult when they have the support they need from an experienced therapist.
Isn’t this just going to be adding to our already expensive separation?
Professional counseling fees are much lower than the fees of a divorce attorney. Many of our attorney friends say this as well and will recommend their clients work with a profession therapist. Counseling does not replace the need for legal assistance, but working together to handle the emotions, compromises and co-parenting discussions can eliminate much of the time spent in attorneys offices arguing. And, thereby reduces legal costs.
Can I come to divorce counseling by myself or does my former partner have to attend?
Divorce counseling can either be done individually or with you and your former partner together. Whether you come alone or with your former partner will vary depending on if they are willing to come and if you want them to come. Even if your partner won’t come, getting support is a smart thing to do.
Begin Divorce Counseling or Discernment Counseling in the Sacramento Area or via Online Therapy in California:
For most, divorce is a major life transition and a huge loss. Either individually or together, we can help you walk through your difficult conversations as you separate. Let’s help you have a divorce with dignity and respect. To begin divorce counseling in Fair Oaks, CA or Roseville, CA, please follow these steps:
- Contact the Relationship Therapy Center This link will allow you to schedule your free 15-minute phone consultation to learn more about discernment or divorce counseling.
- Meet with one of our compassionate marriage and family therapists.
- Begin divorce counseling and learn how to separate in a respectful and thoughtful way.
Other Services offered at The Relationship Therapy Center in California:
In addition to divorce counseling and discernment counseling, Our Sacramento area counseling clinics located in Roseville and Fair Oaks, CA are pleased to offer a variety of mental health services. Our couples services include: Counseling after infidelity, sex therapy, co-parent counseling, family therapy, divorce counseling, intensive couples retreats, and premarital counseling. Our individual therapy services include, therapy for children, teen therapy, depression treatment, and individual relationship counseling. Our therapists offer online counseling in California to treat a variety of mental health concerns. Please reach out to our Sacramento area therapy office to learn more about the many ways we can help you or your loved ones heal and grow.
Reach out to start your healing journey today