You’re not sure if you should stay married to your partner.
It’s hard to believe your marriage is over and you’re divorced.
Re-building your life feels like a daunting task, and you’re not sure where to begin.
Common reactions to divorce include:
- Questions regarding what happened and what caused your break up
- Struggling to accept that your relationship has ended
- Experiencing lots of different emotions and feeling like your on an emotional roller coaster
- Feeling angry or betrayed because your partner was the one who wanted out
- Guilt for your decision to end your marriage and the hurt you have caused your partner
- Embarrassment or concern over what friends and family are going to think
- Feeling like a failure because you weren’t able to make the marriage work
- Fear of loving again for fear and possibly having another “failed” relationship
I’m not quite sure that I, or we, have made the decision to divorce
Are you struggling to decide if you should stay or go? Lots of people have trouble finding clarity regarding how they feel about their relationship. Sometimes people come to counseling in a last ditch effort. They’re hoping marriage counseling or pre-divorce counseling can save their marriage. But, soon it becomes clear that one of the partners really wants out and does not want to work on the relationship. When this happens, it helps to have a relationship therapist working along side you navigate the uncertainty and challenges of a divorce. We can help you have difficult conversations with your partner. Then, we can assist you in finding resolution without pushing a relationship counseling agenda.
It is common at the end of a marriage for partners to be on different pages. One partner may want to stay married and believes in couples counseling, while the other partner may already have one foot out the door and doesn’t want to go to therapy. When this happens, it is called a mixed agenda couple. Studies have shown that even among couples that have already filed for divorce, more than one-third are mixed-agenda couples. Discernment counseling was created for this very situation, in the case where one partner is leaning towards divorce and the other is desperately hoping to preserve the marriage. During these times, a couple may need help considering their options, be it separation or divorce, keeping things as they are, or committing to staying together and working on their marriage.
If you or your spouse are considering divorce but are not completely sure that’s the best path, you are in a tough spot. Discernment Counseling is a chance to slowdown, take a breath, and look at your options for your marriage. The therapist will help you decide whether to try to restore your marriage to health, move toward divorce, or take a time out and decide later.
The goal is for you to gain clarity and confidence about a direction, based on a deeper understanding of your relationship and its possibilities for the future. The goal is not to solve your marital problems but to see if they are solvable. You will each be treated with compassion and respect no matter how you are feeling about your marriage at the moment.
One of you has made the decision to divorce
Whether the decision was made by you or your spouse, or you both mutually decided to divorce, there is a lot involved in this process. While lawyers help their clients deal with the legal aspects of divorce and/or separation, they are often unprepared to address the emotional aspects like grieving, co-parenting, and rebuilding one’s life. Divorce counseling is recommended when one or both members of the couple are determined to end the relationship. Its purpose is to end the marriage peacefully. The therapists at The Relationship Therapy Center in Roseville, CA and Fair Oaks, CA are trained to help you end your marriage in the best way possible. They also provide online divorce counseling if one or both of you can’t make it to in-person counseling. They can take you through the emotional process of splitting up. You can come in individually or as a couple for divorce counseling.
Unfortunately divorce is common:
Statistics show that the divorce rate has leveled out over the past few decades. Approximately 50% of all first marriages end in divorce. The divorce rates are even higher for second (60%) and third (70%) marriages. While these are sad statistics, they are also an indication that divorce is common. Therefore, counseling for divorce is becoming more common. Some even use the term now of “Conscious Uncoupling” as a way to dissolve a marriage in a respectful way that minimizes the damage to all.
Find Hope and Healing From Heartache in Divorce Counseling
The benefits of divorce counseling include:
- Working through your emotions about ending the marriage without shaming and blaming each other
- Understanding the predictable stages of the divorce process like when crises are most likely to occur. This allows you to maneuver through them easier
- Learning to say goodbye in a peaceful and productive way, while also honoring the time spent together
- Strengthening your communication and coping skills
- Learning how to establish rules and healthy boundaries to avoid unnecessary misunderstandings
- Time to work through your feelings, grieve the loss, and cope with challenges post-divorce
- Accept the end of your marriage, and turn what you think is a failure into an opportunity for personal growth
- Help you understand your part in the negative patterns present in your previous relationship so you don’t repeat them in future relationships