A punch in the gut doesn’t even come close when you find out that there has been infidelity
Your heart is crushed and your world is turned upside down. Wondering, “what else did they lie about?”
To discover that your partner is unfaithful is a shock. It can be catastrophically destructive, both to the relationship itself, and you. You never imagined that this would happen to you.
While you are reeling with a ton of emotions and wondering what to do next,
Here’s a list of top mistakes people make after the affair, both individually and as a couple.
#1
If you were cheated on, it’s common to start thinking that you are to blame.
Make no mistake about it, this is not a reflection of who you are as a person. Most betrayed partners take the infidelity to mean, You’re not good enough. If you were, they wouldn’t have cheated.” or some other, equally untrue thoughts.
This betrayal tends to make you think that you are to blame. Saying things to yourself like, “I must not be good enough, pretty enough, sexy enough, etc.” There are actually many reasons for spouses to stray and if you can believe it, sometimes it goes on in ok marriages. What you need to remember is that in no way is this your fault. You are not to blame. In therapy for infidelity, as you go through affair recovery, the first step is to have the betrayed partner take accountability, stop the affair and convey real remorse. It is only at that time that we look into some ways the relationship (together) has drifted or could use some improvement.
Again, it is normal to go through these thoughts, but eventual to heal means that you do not let someone else’s transgression impact the way you see yourself. Infidelity is hard enough to deal with without making it mean something about you.
#2
Another mistake you can make after the affair is to work through the damaging effects of infidelity alone. The temptation is to want to put it behind you without seeking help from a therapist, but that actually doesn’t allow you to heal.
Can you imagine being severely burned, and rather than pursuing medical attention, you tried to do your own skin grafts? Would anyone think about scouring Google and YouTube for tutorials, while yelping in pain?
Plenty of feelings and emotions come up after an affair. These emotions run all over the place. Also, it can exhaust and confuse you when you’re at the center of it, trying to feel or deal with them all, and figure out what happens next. Find a qualified couples therapist for affair recovery.
Find a therapist who can help you navigate through this. Please don’t face it alone.
#3
When you sweep the affair under the rug, pretend it didn’t happen, or otherwise shove it into the past while boldly trying to move on, you make a mistake.
Feelings aren’t always controllable. Trying to shove your feelings away is a recipe for disaster. When you try to cope in this manner, you are setting yourself up for failure. Effectively you are telling yourself that your feelings don’t matter – that you don’t matter.
What happens after the affair is hugely impactful, especially if you have kids. The decision to stay together, work through it or to go separate ways will take some time to decide.
The resulting pain and betrayal are traumatic, and being able to forgive doesn’t always come easily. For help with the healing process, a therapist will make sure that nothing is left to fester or not be uncovered.
After a betrayal, you will feel feel crushed, and confused, and your mind and emotions may be a little out of control and all over the place. You may feel strongly about doing one thing now, and the next moment you’re flooded with anger.
A good therapist will support and help anchor you. At the Relationship Therapy Center, we’ve work with people who have experienced infidelity, both as couples and as individuals. We are invested in you; empowering you to live a happy and meaningful life. Life comes with challenges, and we’re here to help you face them. There’s no doubt about it, it takes bravery and courage. But we’re here with you. We believe in you, and will support you each step of the way.
Begin Infidelity Counseling in the Sacramento Area:
If you are ready to learn how to deal with the problems in your relationship, the therapists at The Relationship Therapy Center in Fair Oaks, CA, and Roseville, CA can help! Our therapists are ready to support you and your partner in your journey toward creating a healthy and happy relationship. To begin counseling in the Sacramento, CA area, please follow these three simple steps:
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Contact our counseling office to get more information about infidelity counseling and to schedule a free consultation
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Make an appointment with one of our relationship therapists
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Find support and healing after an affair.
Other Services offered at The Relationship Therapy Center:
In addition to infidelity counseling, Our Sacramento area counseling clinics located in Roseville and Fair Oaks, CA are pleased to offer a variety of mental health services. Our couples services include: Couples Counseling, Counseling after infidelity, sex therapy, co-parent counseling, family therapy, divorce counseling, intensive couples retreats, and premarital counseling. Our individual therapy services include anxiety treatment, therapy for children, teen therapy, depression treatment, codependency counseling and individual relationship counseling. Our therapists offer online counseling in California to treat a variety of mental health concerns. Please reach out to our Sacramento area therapy office to learn more about the many ways we can help you or your loved ones.