Our emotional state plays a big part in the human experience.
When life is good and things are going well, we often feel invincible.
Then the pendulum swings the other way. Something happens – perhaps there’s a loss of some sort – and everything feels flat. Those old feelings of sadness, worthlessness or shame bubble back up to the surface and small tasks and decisions feel overwhelming… you’d rather stay in bed.
While there’s no way to truly eliminate the hard parts of life, there are some tricks you can use to help lessen the sting.
This piece is dedicated to resilience: what it is, why it’s so important, and examples of how to use resilience to bounce back.
What is Resilience?
The dictionary defines resilience as, “the capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.”
From breakups to job loss, experiencing a death of someone close to you or dealing with physical illness or mental challenges, there’s no shortage of situations that ask us to become resilient.
All of those are difficult situations that have the capacity to knock us flat. Resilience requires mental fitness, and the more you practice it the more you understand that though the pain is real, so too is your capacity to handle it and not let it swallow you up.
Why is it Important to be Resilient?
Life happens.
No one is immune to the situations that require resilience. The gift of resilience is it allows us to learn from experience.
If we allow it, it teaches us to be compassionate and loving towards ourselves. It offers us the chance to view a crushing situation from an intellectual perspective. Rather than view a setback as something that happened because we’re somehow “unworthy” or “bad,” resilience shows the big picture perspective: Not everyone who applies for a job gets it. Not everyone who falls in love with someone enjoys a happily ever after.
Whatever metaphorical trips and falls occur, being resilient is the equivalent of getting back up, dusting ourselves off, nurturing the cuts and bruises as they heal, and not allowing the fall to hinder the rest of their life.
What are Examples of Resilience?
People in the self-help sphere love to share stories of resilience. Most people are familiar with Oprah’s incredible resilience, how she didn’t let any of the challenges she faced during her upbringing interfere with the pursuit of her dream.
However, the real magic of resilience is the opportunity to get to know and care for oneself as we navigate life. Practicing resilience means we’re giving ourselves the chance to live—to take risks and hold ourselves through the pain when the outcome differs from what we’d hoped.
Here are some common situations and examples of resilience:
Loss of a Loved One
Resilience allows you to experience the pain and grief and feel everything you need to feel, without getting stuck.
While the pain of loss is not something that ever goes away, it does soften. The shock subsides, and the love and memories you had for the person (or pet!) remain alive and well, carried with you always.
Learning from Failure
Whether it’s a failed test, or not getting picked for a job you applied for. Resilience offers insight into what you need to learn and do in order to be better prepared next time.
Recovering from Setbacks
Setbacks happen to everyone.
Understanding that they’re temporary—they’re not as big of a deal as they feel—is one way of being resilient.
Navigating Challenges
Learning to be resilient through challenging situations means you’re not abandoning yourself. You remain connected, even when it’s hard. You understand what you need, and aren’t afraid to ask for it.
Embracing Community Support
Reaching out for support is a proactive act, born of resilience.
Whether it’s spending time with a friend who lifts your spirits or calling a therapist because you realize the burden you’re having to bear is too much and you need some help.
Discovering the Power of Perspective
Perspective is incredibly powerful, and resilience requires you to examine the situation realistically.
Often, people take failures way too personally. They interpret failing as meaning they are a failure—they don’t separate the action from themself.
Emotions further muddy these waters. They’re powerful, and it’s really hard to tell yourself one thing when you feel something else completely.
It’s okay to feel hurt, disappointed, even shame. However, it’s important not to personalize this to the extent that it becomes your identity.
Therapy is an excellent resource that can help you learn how to apply perspective to a situation. It can also help when you’re dealing with a lot of loss or setbacks piled atop one another.
If you’re a Northern California resident and think you could benefit from seeing a therapist, please reach out.
At the Relationship Therapy center, we offer both couples counseling and individual sessions in Fair Oaks and Roseville, and are always here to help. Give us a call or text anytime to learn more.
Begin Individual Therapy in the Sacramento Area
Individual therapy provides many benefits for both your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. From handling challenging life events to learning to live with ongoing mental health issues to simply getting help with everyday stress, seeking counseling can help you live your best life.
If you are ready to start individual therapy, we have a variety of exceptional therapists ready to help you. Take a look at their bios and if you would like to schedule a free 15-minute consultation give us a call.
Other Services Offered at The Relationship Therapy Center in California:
In addition to Individual therapy for adults Our Sacramento area counseling clinics located in Roseville and Fair Oaks, CA are pleased to offer a variety of mental health services. Our couples services include: Counseling after infidelity, sex therapy, co-parent counseling, family therapy, divorce counseling, intensive couples retreats, and premarital counseling. Our individual therapy services include, therapy for children, teen therapy, depression treatment, and individual relationship counseling. Our therapists offer online counseling in California to treat a variety of mental health concerns. Please reach out to our Sacramento area therapy office to learn more about the many ways we can help you or your loved ones heal and grow.