Codependency After Sobriety

You spent years assuring yourself that when he quit drinking, life would be perfect. Peace would come after he set the bottle down.

He managed to stay away from alcohol a few times in the past, but always relapsed. 

This time, you’re determined not to let that happen. 

You keep track of his meetings. 

You make sure he steers clear of bars. 

You’ve doubled down on domestic duties, ensuring the house stays the way he likes it, clean and calm. 

You remind him to check in with his sponsor. 

You’d never admit this to him, but often when you give him a hug, you’re looking to see if you can detect the odor of alcohol. Yeah. 

It’s been two years, three months, and twenty days since the last time he drank, 842 days to be exact, and you’re exhausted. 

A Family Issue

You may have heard the saying, ‘addiction is a family issue.’ 

What this means is that when a family member is addicted to drugs or alcohol, the spouse or caretaker is often addicted to trying to ‘manage’ the addicted individual. 

This manifests in attempts to control the emotions and behavior of the addict. Worrying about their every move. This ultimately leads to sacrificing personal needs in order to attend to the addict.

It’s important to note: when the addict is getting better, doing the work and changing their behavior, often the codependent person, i.e., you, is not. 

So, how do you heal? 

How do you find that peace you’ve been longing for, for decades now?

Here’s what you need to know.

Why am I Codependent?

Codependency is a learned behavior often found in families where addiction is present. 

Perhaps you witnessed a caretaker exhibit codependent behavior and interpreted it as a normal way of functioning and showing love. 

Maybe you had an insecure attachment to a caretaker and started to implement codependent behavior as a way of feeling needed, worthy, and loved. 

Or perhaps you were woefully insecure and decided that the best way to be a valuable member of society was to forgo your own needs in favor of others. 

The reality is, there are multiple reasons or combinations of reasons that factor into why people slip into codependent behavior. 

The best way to understand those reasons is to seek help from a therapist. Often, our deep inner compulsions dictate so much of what we do that it’s challenging to see them for what they are. 

How do I Fix my Codependent Tendencies?

Healing from codependency is hard. It requires changing behaviors and beliefs you have clung to for years.

Yet triumphing over codependency is possible, especially if you enlist help from a therapist. Here are some tips that can help:

1. Let’s start by asserting this truth: you are not responsible for other people’s feelings, actions, or behavior. The only person you are responsible for is you.
2. Establish boundaries: If you have never done this before, you may not even know what your boundaries are. This is why seeing a therapist is so important. An example of setting boundaries in your case may be no longer tolerating being yelled at when your partner is stressed. Being clear that even though they are in recovery, it does not give them the right to take their stress or discomfort out on you. 
3. Connect with your own needs: what are your desires? How can you take care of yourself? What changes do you need to implement to find peace?
4. Explore self-interests:  What hobbies have you neglected? What brings you joy? If you’re unsure, get out there and try new things. Give yourself permission to play. 

Most people are able to rewrite their inclination towards codependency during therapy. Search therapist near me to find someone who can help, and don’t be afraid to chat with them beforehand to ensure they are the right fit.

At the Relationship Therapy Center, we know that the key to finding peace and joy in life lies within. We’re here to help you get there.

Begin Codependency Treatment in the Sacramento Area or Online in California:

At the Relationship Therapy Center, we use evidence-based methods to help you overcome codependency:

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to reshape negative thought patterns
• Boundary-setting exercises to strengthen your sense of self
• Mindfulness techniques to increase self-awareness
• Trauma-informed therapy to address underlying issues

We tailor our approach to your unique needs, ensuring a personalized path to healing.

If you are ready to break free from codependency and stop putting everyone’s needs before yours, then codependency treatment can help. The Relationship Therapy Center in Fair Oaks, CA or Roseville, CA and online in California can help you learn to advocate for your best interest. To begin codependency treatment in the Sacramento Area, follow these steps:

1. Contact the Relationship Therapy Center to schedule your free 15-minute phone consultation to learn more about codependency treatment.
2. Meet with one of our compassionate therapists.
3. Begin codependency treatment and recognize YOUR worth!

Other Services Offered at The Relationship Therapy Center in California:

In addition to codependency treatment, Our Sacramento area counseling clinics located in Roseville and Fair Oaks, CA are pleased to offer a variety of mental health services. Our couples services include: Counseling after infidelity, sex therapy, co-parent counseling, family therapy, divorce counseling, intensive couples retreats, and premarital counseling. Our individual therapy services include, therapy for children, teen therapy, depression treatment, and individual relationship counseling. Our therapists offer online counseling in California to treat a variety of mental health concerns. Please reach out to our Sacramento area therapy office to learn more about the many ways we can help you or your loved ones heal and grow.