When Intimacy Fades: How Couples Therapy Can Help Rebuild Connection

If there is anything worse than a sexless marriage, it’s talking about it with a stranger. At least, that’s how the prospect of addressing it with a therapist can feel.

Yet just dismissing your non-existent sex life and going on with your life could be the nail in the coffin of your relationship. A marriage devoid of intimacy is a symptom of all sorts of things, and it’s important that it gets fixed.

If you and your partner have sex less than ten times a year, you are in what is known as a sexless marriage. Here, we’ll discuss how this happens, why it’s so detrimental, and what you can do to ‘get busy’ once again.

What Contributes to a Sexless Marriage?

Truthfully, there are many reasons why intimacy wanes. Some are easy to remedy, and others require much more work. For most couples, sex doesn’t just disappear overnight. As the years go by, it steadily decreases.

Most adults reach the end of the day and feel exhausted. It can be challenging to get “in the mood” when you’re clad in your comfy clothes, i.e., sweatpants with holes and an oversized T-shirt, catching up on your favorite show.

If there are kids to tend to, that can often interfere with intimacy.

Changing bodies also play a part. If one partner starts to feel insecure about how they look, less frequent sex is often a consequence.

Hormones are another factor known to affect libido. During perimenopause and menopause, sex may become painful. The changing body and rollercoaster hormones can make maintaining a regular sex life seem impossible.

Yet the most detrimental contributor to less frequent sex is when the two of you are silently drifting apart. This often-unnoticed process is sometimes accompanied by resentment or other unaddressed issues brewing within the relationship.

Why is a Sexless Marriage Such a Big Deal?

Sexual intimacy is one of the key elements that set your romantic relationship apart from other relationships.

To become intimate with someone is truly something sacred. The physical closeness is unmatched.

When sex ceases, it is often a huge red flag indicating that something is amiss.

If it continues unchecked, it can reach a point of no return. This is why maintaining a connection, both emotionally and through intimacy, is vital.

Whatever the reason, and maybe it’s not readily apparent, it is important to address. A sexless marriage means there’s something in the relationship that needs to be attended to, pronto.

How Can I Fix My Sexless Marriage?

Let’s face it: rebuilding intimacy, especially if there’s been a long dry spell, can feel awkward, forced, and uncomfortable. There’s this notion that sex should be steamy and spontaneous. Scheduling a time for intimacy feels anything but.

One of the biggest ways to reconnect is to start where you are. Take sex of the table and spend some time just talking.

Intimacy can be rebuilt slowly; never underestimate the power of a good foot or back massage.

If you just wait for it to happen, it often never does. Schedule time to spend with one another and reconnect.

It’s also important to address the reason why intimacy disappeared. Perhaps there’s a single contributing factor, maybe you’re simply exhausted at the end of the day, or there could be many reasons.

Once the issues are identified, it’s time to strategize and find a solution.

For some, it’s as simple as looking at the problem head-on; we’re not having sex, how do we fix it?

 Couples Therapy Can Give You Tools to Reconnect

For others, there may be much more contributing to the lack of intimacy. If this is you, therapy is your best option. At the Relationship Therapy Center, we have helped countless couples work through intimacy issues. Our therapists are discreet, and though the topic may feel taboo and uncomfortable, we are solution-focused and here to help. Please reach out anytime; we’d love to share more about who we are and what we offer couples like you.

Begin Couples Counseling in the Sacramento Area:

If you are ready to learn how to deal with the problems in your relationship, the therapists at The Relationship Therapy Center in Fair Oaks, CA and Roseville, CA can help! Our therapists are ready to support you and your partner in your journey towards creating a healthy and happy relationship. To begin marriage counseling in Roseville, CA area, or marriage counseling in Fair Oaks, please follow these three simple steps:

1. Contact our counseling office to get more information about couples counseling and to schedule a free consultation.
2. Make an appointment with one of our Gottman Method trained therapists.
3. Find support and healing in your relationship!

Other Services Offered at The Relationship Therapy Center in California:

In addition to couples counseling, Our Sacramento area counseling clinics located in Roseville and Fair Oaks, CA are pleased to offer a variety of mental health services. Our couples counseling services include: Counseling after infidelity, sex therapy, co-parent counseling, family therapy, divorce counseling, couples therapy retreats, and premarital counseling. Our individual therapy services include, anxiety treatment, trauma therapy, teen therapy, therapy for children, codependency counseling, depression treatment, and individual relationship counseling. We also offer online counseling to California residents. Please contact our office to learn more about the many ways we can help you and your loved ones.