If it’s been weeks or worse, months since you and your spouse were intimate, you should be worried. Sexual intimacy is vital in romantic relationships, yet with all the demands of daily life, it’s often the first to go.
If it’s been a really long time or you have a hard time getting in the mood, these intimacy exercises for couples are a great way to crank things up without putting too much pressure on yourself.
The six-second kiss
Kissing is so powerful, and so underrated. This gem from the Gottman Method is simple: kiss your partner for at least six seconds, and see where it leads.
The three-minute game
Created by sex educator Betty Martin, this game gives couples structure to explore giving and receiving touch.
Here’s how it works: partners take turns with the questions “how would you like to touch me?” and “how would you like me to touch you?”
It does not have to be sexual; it could be as simple as, “I’d like you to massage my foot.” The only rule is you’ve only got three minutes to touch.
The 72-hour intimacy rule
This rule states that couples should engage in either physical or emotional intimacy at least once every 72 hours. This can include anything from kissing to holding hands, to having a deep conversation. Bonus points for doing it once a day.
Set a 72-hour intimacy challenge, and see where it goes.
I’d like to…
Sharing sexual fantasies is a fun way to get in the mood, and you don’t even have to be in the same room to do it. Text your spouse a fantasy. Maybe it’s grabbing a blanket and heading up to the mountains to watch the sunset. One thing leads to another and—you know how it goes.
Think about what turns you on and encourage your spouse to do the same. Whether or not you choose to live out these fantasies is totally up to you.
Don’t make it about physical intimacy
Sometimes putting pressure on needing to have sex in the same way you put pressure on yourself to do taxes takes away all the fun. Why not just make out? Kiss in the car. Touch each other under a blanket while watching TV on the couch. Whatever you do, don’t have sex.
Identify barriers to intimacy
It’s worth highlighting the importance of identifying what is causing your sex life to suffer in the first place. If you’re both exhausted at the end of the day, perhaps you could wake up a half-hour earlier to cuddle, connect, and see where that leads.
Maybe there are other troubles in the relationship. Things like communication issues, unresolved conflicts, or issues that keep reemerging and deepening a wedge between you can kill your sex life. Whatever the issue, therapy can help.
At the Relationship Therapy Center, our professionals are well-versed in helping all sorts of couples get to the root of their issues. We teach effective ways to communicate and connect.
The better your relationship is, the happier you will be overall. Please reach out anytime to learn more about who we are and how we can help.
Begin Couples Counseling in the Sacramento Area:
If you are ready to learn how to deal with the problems in your relationship, the therapists at The Relationship Therapy Center in Fair Oaks, CA and Roseville, CA can help! Our therapists are ready to support you and your partner in your journey towards creating a healthy and happy relationship. To begin marriage counseling in Roseville, CA area, marriage counseling in Davis, CA area or marriage counseling in Fair Oaks, please follow these three simple steps:
- Contact our counseling office to get more information about couples counseling and to schedule a free consultation.
- Make an appointment with one of our Gottman Method trained therapists.
- Find support and healing in your relationship!
Other Services Offered at The Relationship Therapy Center in California:
In addition to Individual therapy for adults our Sacramento area counseling clinics located in Roseville, Davis and Fair Oaks, CA are pleased to offer a variety of mental health services. Our couples services include: Counseling after infidelity, sex therapy, co-parent counseling, family therapy, divorce counseling, intensive couples retreats, and premarital counseling. The individual therapy services include, therapy for children, teen therapy, depression treatment, and individual relationship counseling. Our therapists offer online counseling in California to treat a variety of mental health concerns. Please reach out to our Sacramento area therapy office to learn more about the many ways we can help you or your loved ones heal and grow.
Certified Gottman Therapist
Nancy Ryan, LMFT & Certified Gottman Therapist, is the Founder and Clinical Director of Relationship Therapy Center, with 15+ years of experience supporting clients in Sacramento, Placer, and El Dorado Counties, and with offices in Roseville, CA, and Fair Oaks, CA. Our team also supports clients throughout California, Idaho, and Washington
She specializes in couples counseling, mentoring, and training her therapists on how to be excellent therapists. Nancy is also featured in a variety of media and provides couples therapy weekend workshops and retreats.
Relationship Therapy Center uses evidence-based approaches such as EMDR for trauma, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), Mindfulness, and Motivational Interviewing to treat individuals. Family therapy focuses on family systems and Play Therapy for children. Evidence-based couples therapy includes using the Gottman Method, Gottman Method Affair recovery/infidelity counseling, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Attachment therapy, and David Schnarch's Crucible Therapy, including differentiation. The whole team is in weekly training on trauma-informed care, somatic techniques, sex therapy, and different topics each year.
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