When you hear the word “intimacy,” what comes to mind?
Most people correlate the word with sex, and they’re not wrong. However, intimacy is also defined as closeness, affinity, and togetherness.
Having the type of intimate conversations with your partner that make you feel more aligned with them—you know, the discussions that reveal who you are on a deeper level—benefit all aspects of the relationship… including your sex life.
Think of intimate conversations as providing the nutrients that help sustain the relationship.
All this being said, it’s pretty easy to neglect taking care of a relationship in this manner, especially since the importance of intimate and personal conversations is something that’s often not mentioned in those how-to articles, aimed at helping revive ailing relationships.
Let’s change that, shall we?
It’s time to have intimate conversations.
Why? Because studies show strong healthy relationships generally make people happier, and contribute to them living longer. And one of the ways of achieving those coveted relationships is by having—you guessed it—intimate conversations.
Unlock Intimate Conversations
The Gottman Institutes Gott Sex program is designed to help couples reestablish intimacy. Through decades of research, they’ve managed to build an all-encompassing protocol to help revive stagnant relationships and course correct problematic communication between spouses.
Their program takes into account what a lot of others miss: in order for a couple to maintain a healthy sex life, there also needs to be trust, understanding, mutual respect, and the ability for each individual to be vulnerable; feel as though they’re heard and understood.
The Gottman Institute has broken down intimate conversation into 3 skills:
Skill #1 of Intimate Conversation
The first step is to ask an open-ended question. Things that can’t be answered with a simple yes or no.
If you’re hoping to buy a house, for example, your question could be, what are some changes you think we should make over the next coming months to help us get to our down payment goal faster? Or, you can ask, how is that new work schedule affecting you?
As the conversation unfolds, it’s important to identify your feelings, then share them with your partner. Here’s the challenge: many of us have spent a lifetime ignoring our feelings, which makes it really tricky to connect with ourselves.
Do your best, and be as authentically honest as possible. And for those who have trouble connecting with themselves, therapy is an excellent way to reestablish that connection to self.
Skill #2 of Intimate Conversations
Skill two involves asking questions as the conversations unfolds, exploratory questions that enable you to understand your partner on a deeper level. For example, how did it all unfold? Or, what are the positive and negative consequences of that decision, from your perspective?
If there’s something you’d like them to clarify, ask.
Encourage your partner to discuss their concerns, their hopes, everything they’re willing to share as it pertains to the topic.
Skill #3 of Intimate Conversations
This skill is all about showing empathy. No wonder you’re upset, I’d feel the same way! Or, that sounds like a great idea. Even… I agree with most of what you’re telling me. The key to making your spouse feel seen is to validate them.
Putting yourself in someone else’s shoes can be a challenge, especially when you see things through your own filter, which is heavily influenced by your past experience.
The Benefits of Intimate Conversations
The more you share about yourself with your other half, the closer you become.
With regular and open communication, couples are able to share everything from hopes about the future to detailed sexual fantasies.
Most people have had that experience of going from feeling deeply connected to someone to then feeling as though that person is somewhat of a stranger. A huge factor that contributes to this shift in a relationship is the lack of any meaningful conversation—there’s no substance, just empty space between them
By first understanding the importance of intimate conversations and then taking the time to actually engage in them, you have an opportunity to have a stellar relationship.
If this is an area where you struggle or feel as though you could benefit from a little extra assistance, therapy is the way to go.
At the Relationship Therapy Center, our therapists are trained in the Gottman Method, and have helped countless couples renew their commitment to one another. We help strengthen relationships and pave the way for deeper, more profound connection.
Give us a call to learn more about how we can help.
Begin Sex Therapy in the Sacramento Area:
If you are ready to regain intimacy in your relationship, sex therapy with a couples counselor at The Relationship Therapy Center can help. Our compassionate therapists want to help you and your partner feel comfortable being passionate with each other again. We are here to help support you in your relationship journey. To begin sex therapy at our counseling clinic in the Sacramento, CA area or online, please follow these steps:
- Contact our therapy center to learn more about sex therapy.
- Make an appointment with one of our Gottman trained sex therapists.
- Find healing in your relationship and regain intimacy with your loved one.
Other Services offered at The Relationship Therapy Center in California:
In addition to sex therapy, Our Sacramento area counseling clinics located in Roseville and Fair Oaks, CA are pleased to offer a variety of mental health services. Our couples services include: Counseling after infidelity, sex therapy, co-parent counseling, family therapy, divorce counseling, intensive couples retreats, and premarital counseling. Our individual therapy services include, therapy for children, teen therapy, depression treatment, and individual relationship counseling. Our therapists offer online counseling in California to treat a variety of mental health concerns. Please reach out to our Sacramento area therapy office to learn more about the many ways we can help you or your loved ones heal and grow.