The way sex evolves within a relationship is fascinating. In the beginning, it’s basically the only thing couples actually do.
Yet as the months lead to years, sex and sexual desire tends to wane—or at least it becomes less of a priority. Without all the “love” chemicals that were present during the early stages, over time sex can begin to feel like more of a chore.
If you’re looking to spice things up, here are some great conversation starters designed to help you do just that. And don’t worry, if the prospect of “talking dirty” or discussing ways to heat up your sex life with your partner makes you squirm or blush, we’ve got some fairly neutral conversation starters as well.
Remember When…?
This particularly low-key innocent sounding question starts off by bringing up a past sexual experience the two of you enjoyed together. It’s a great opener, and once the discussion gets underway you can direct it wherever you’d like.
Perhaps you reminisce over the parts you found particularly steamy, then dream up ways the two of you could steal away together and reenact that moment.
What are Your Fantasies?
Sharing fantasies is a wonderful way to help initiate sex. Some couples merely discuss them, while others find ways through role play or other means of bringing their fantasies to life.
This is an important question to ask, as each individual tends to have different preferences and desires in bed. It is also important that both you and your partner feel safe enough to open up and share, while also respecting each other’s boundaries.
If I Wore This, What Would You Do?
In general, most people tend to be primarily visual—though of course, the other senses are incredibly important, especially in the bedroom. Showing your partner a picture of a particular sexy outfit, and asking how they’d react—how they’d touch and caress you—can help get things going.
Especially if you actually have that outfit, and put it on…
You Want Some? Well… What Will You Do For It?
Often, if couples don’t actively flirt, touch, and maintain that lighthearted intimate way of interacting, sex becomes obligatory. It gets performed in the same position, and becomes more about finishing than actually enjoying the experience.
Creating a situation that invites the other senses can really elevate intimacy: Light some candles and slip into something that makes you feel hot.
Grab those delicious Lindt truffles you hid in the small cupboard above the microwave, slowly open one up, and begin savoring it.
When your partner asks for one, let them know that sure, you’ll give them one. But, what will they do for you in return?
By setting the mood and creating a multi-sensory experience, you’re in for a real treat.
Play Games
There are all sorts of games designed to help couples get into the mood. Some are created to help strengthen the emotional bond and connection, which is important to a healthy sex life.
Others, well, they’re basically there to instruct you what to do.
Depending on what you’re hoping to achieve and how you’re hoping to achieve it, there are apps and games created to help get you there. These can be fun ways to start things off without putting too much pressure on each other.
For Those Still Struggling
If you feel as though your relationship is too far in the weeds (for whatever reason) and you’d like to get it back on track, your best bet is to find a couple’s counselor you and your other half both feel comfortable working with.
At the Relationship Therapy Center, we provide individual and couples counseling in Fair Oaks and Roseville. Our Gottman trained therapists are well versed in helping all sorts of couples navigate all sorts of challenges in a safe, professional, non-judgmental environment.
If your relationship could use some help, we’d love to hear from you and share more about what we do.
Begin Sex Therapy in the Sacramento Area:
If you are ready to regain intimacy in your relationship, sex therapy with a couples counselor at The Relationship Therapy Center can help. Our compassionate therapists want to help you and your partner feel comfortable being passionate with each other again. We are here to help support you in your relationship journey. To begin sex therapy at our counseling clinic in the Sacramento, CA area or online, please follow these steps:
- Contact our therapy center to learn more about sex therapy.
- Make an appointment with one of our Gottman trained sex therapists.
- Find healing in your relationship and regain intimacy with your loved one.
Other Services offered at The Relationship Therapy Center in California:
In addition to sex therapy, Our Sacramento area counseling clinics located in Roseville and Fair Oaks, CA are pleased to offer a variety of mental health services. Our couples services include: Counseling after infidelity, sex therapy, co-parent counseling, family therapy, divorce counseling, intensive couples retreats, and premarital counseling. Our individual therapy services include, therapy for children, teen therapy, depression treatment, and individual relationship counseling. Our therapists offer online counseling in California to treat a variety of mental health concerns. Please reach out to our Sacramento area therapy office to learn more about the many ways we can help you or your loved ones heal and grow.