When it comes to divorce, we hear it all the time. Hollywood celebrities and public figures all claim, “we still deeply love and care for each other and are still best friends, but have mutually decided to lovingly file for divorce.”
Okay…
Perhaps in rare cases, the ‘mutual’ part of the decision is true. Yet we soon learn as the story unfolds – through tabloids pulling back the curtain and spilling the details – that the decision is not exactly mutual, and the ‘friendship’ quickly devolves into tit for tat.
Even so, divorce is often still announced like it’s a 50-50 decision. Something that was agreed upon after many late-night chats, a thorough all-encompassing pros and cons list, and diplomatic strategic decisions. When in reality, it’s usually anything but.
If you’re on the brink of divorce – if you’re desperate to convince you partner to please, try and work it out, or if emotions are escalating and things feel out of control – take heart. This situation happens more frequently than we’re led to believe.
Benefits of Divorce Counseling
Unless something egregious happens, divorce is usually never a clear black and white decision. And sometimes something unthinkable happens, and divorce is still not an easy clear-cut choice.
Marriage binds families together. There are in-laws and children involved. There’s a household to divide; finances untangle.
If you find yourself overwhelmed – caught between marriage and divorce – on-the-brink counseling, also called discernment counseling, can help. Rather than marriage or divorce counseling, discernment counseling helps you decide which direction to go.
Navigating divorce is usually emotionally fraught, and seeking support and guidance from a therapist is an excellent way to move forward, without resorting to engaging in some of the big destructive patterns that are common when marriages crumble.
Here are some of the benefits of divorce counseling:
1. It Helps Clear Your Mind
For many, the immediacy of making the decision of whether to stay married or not can feel overwhelming. These highly charged emotions can make the situation even more unbearable, adding fuel to the fire.
Discernment counseling helps calm some of that, allowing both parties to clear their minds, and articulate how they feel. It takes some of the urgency away, and provides space to breathe.
Working with a therapist is an excellent way to restore and remain focused on clarity, communication, and keep the big picture in mind.
2. You Learn to Work Together Even if You’re on Different Pages
If you want to save the marriage and you feel your partner pulling away, on-the-brink counseling can still help. The aim of course is not to “force” someone to do something they don’t want to do.
If the two of you have kids, you are going to be in each other’s lives – at least to an extent.
Co-parenting counseling helps establish boundaries, open lines of communication, and keep you united as parents fully dedicated to keeping your incredible children safe and well – which, divided as you may be, is something both of you agree your children deserve.
In addition, divorce counseling helps heal any wounds caused by the upheaval. When both individuals work together, it eliminates some of the drama that can be a notorious byproduct of many divorces. It eliminates (or lessens the severity of) sleepless nights tossing and turning as you fume over a text or other boundary violation, and wonder how you’re going to pay the attorney fee.
In cases where the divorce proceedings go through, both parties are at least able to communicate, and both have clarity and confidence in what’s ahead.
3. It’s Cheaper Than a Lawyer
If divorce is the decision, learning how to communicate respectfully and truthfully is the key to keeping things amicable. We’ve all heard horror stories, and usually those situations start because communication and boundaries are not in place.
If there are kids involved, one of the best things you can do for your children is to have a calm, pleasant relationship with their other parent. You don’t have to be best friends, just… amicable.
Additionally – and perhaps the most valuable of all – a therapist provides you with some insight into who you are. You’ll be better equipped to heal and continue forward, with all your goodness and worthiness intact.
Northern California residents who are on the brink of divorce and looking for help, give us a call. We offer counseling in Roseville and Fair Oaks. No matter where you are on your journey, we’re always here to help restore peace and stability.
Begin Divorce Counseling or Discernment Counseling in the Sacramento Area or via Online Therapy in California:
For most, divorce is a major life transition and a huge loss. Either individually or together, we can help you walk through your difficult conversations as you separate. Let’s help you have a divorce with dignity and respect. To begin divorce counseling in Fair Oaks, CA or Roseville, CA, please follow these steps:
- Contact the Relationship Therapy Center. This link will allow you to schedule your free 20-minute phone consultation to learn more about discernment or divorce counseling,
- Meet with one of our compassionate marriage and family therapists
- Begin divorce counseling and learn how to separate in a respectful and thoughtful way.
Other Services offered at The Relationship Therapy Center:
In addition to divorce counseling and discernment counseling, Our Sacramento area counseling clinics located in Roseville and Fair Oaks, CA are pleased to offer a variety of mental health services. Our couples services include: Couples Counseling, Counseling after infidelity, sex therapy, co-parent counseling, family therapy, divorce counseling, intensive couples retreats, and premarital counseling. Our individual therapy services include anxiety treatment, therapy for children, teen therapy, depression treatment, codependency counseling and individual relationship counseling. Our therapists offer online counseling in California to treat a variety of mental health concerns. Please reach out to our Sacramento area therapy office to learn more about the many ways we can help you or your loved ones.