We all face multiple decisions throughout the day: Go for a run, or plop on the couch with popcorn and the remote instead? Eat the leftovers in the fridge, or slide through the In-N-Out drive thru? Order an Americano, or get that Caramel Frappuccino?
And, in those moments, regardless of what you choose (or how you end up bribing yourself), there’s a very opinionated and vocal committee involved in the decision-making process.
You may hear the voice of your mom, who always criticized your weight. Your five-year-old self who didn’t get her needs met as a child appears, and is adamant about her sugar fix. Then, there’s that person you aspire to be who is appalled at all the ways you’ve been falling short recently.
Honestly? Tussling, appeasing, and trying to negotiate with the inner committee is exhausting.
Here are some ways to sort through the internal noise …without totally wearing yourself out.
Understanding the Different Parts
This internal conflict—the experience of having different parts with vastly different opinions and desires—is completely normal.
The inner workings of our ‘being’ are complex, often made up of residual aspects of the self at certain ages mixed in with a hefty dose of the opinions and voices of influential caregivers—and yes. Even society’s beliefs and norms get to weigh in.
Which Voices are True?
You’ve probably heard the saying, “just because you think something doesn’t make it true,” and this can be easily applied to managing internal turmoil.
What’s important to clarify is which voices are worth listening to (which—spoiler—is the voice that aligns with your goals and can be backed up by fact, not opinion) but it’s also important to acknowledge those opinionated voices. Understand why they exist and have a little compassion for them while also making the conscious choice to sort through and learn which are actually worth listening to.
How to Sort Through the Noise
Managing the conflict begins with clarifying your goals—the direction you want to go. Maybe you want to eat better and move more. Maybe you just want to enjoy life and free yourself up for a little spontaneity and fun.
The decisions you make should be ones that align with that path. If you’ve decided to try and eat better, remember why. Maybe you’re working to alleviate brain fog brought on by processed food. Remember that as the internal committee steers you towards the cookies… the cookies you love so much… the ones that go so well with that pick me up coffee you drink in the afternoon to help with brain fog.
But also, have compassion for the parts of you that are seemingly sabotaging your efforts. They are there to keep you safe, whether that’s by encouraging you to consume calories or not deplete precious calories through exercise—both of which are a survival mechanism.
When cravings hit, remember, most are fleeting. Steer yourself in the opposite direction, and chances are the ice cream you were craving to the depths of your soul will be forgotten in about 15-minutes time.
When trying something new, that always gets the committee riled up. For example, maybe you want to wear a hat—and boy, does the committee have a lot to say about that! However, the internal conflict you may experience is another survival-based tactic. One that asserts it’s best to play small, don’t draw attention to yourself with a “risky” fashion choice that could result in the whole grocery store laughing at you in your hat. Honestly, no one will notice, or care.
Persistence over Perfection
It’s okay to compromise. It’s okay to have an “off” day. People often get so black and white when trying to make changes in their life, and can be incredibly self-critical—allowing the internal voices to bully them incessantly.
Understand that what matters most is learning to move through the challenges without losing sight of what your goals are.
If you find the internal conflict is too much, therapy is an excellent resource.
At the Relationship Therapy Center, we believe that the foundation of any relationship begins with you, and the relationship you have with yourself. If that’s rocky, chances are the relationship you have with others may be as well.
We offer therapy in Roseville and Fair Oaks, and if you’re struggling, we’d love to hear from you and share more about who we are and how we can help.
Begin Individual Therapy in the Sacramento Area
Individual therapy provides many benefits for both your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. From handling challenging life events to learning to live with ongoing mental health issues to simply getting help with everyday stress, seeking counseling can help you live your best life.
If you are ready to start individual therapy, we have a variety of exceptional therapists ready to help you. Take a look at their bios and if you would like to schedule a free 15-minute consultation give us a call.
Other Services Offered at The Relationship Therapy Center in California:
In addition to Individual therapy for adults our Sacramento area counseling clinics located in Roseville and Fair Oaks, CA are pleased to offer a variety of mental health services. Our couples services include: Counseling after infidelity, sex therapy, co-parent counseling, family therapy, divorce counseling, intensive couples retreats, and premarital counseling. Our individual therapy services include, therapy for children, teen therapy, depression treatment, and individual relationship counseling. Our therapists offer online counseling in California to treat a variety of mental health concerns. Please reach out to our Sacramento area therapy office to learn more about the many ways we can help you or your loved ones heal and grow.