Initially, the term codependency applied to those living in households with a substance abuser.

Today, researchers are aware that people in general display the characteristics of codependency. In fact, if you were raised in a dysfunctional family situation – be that because a member of the family was a substance abuser, perhaps battling with a grave illness, or emotional unavailable or abusive – you most likely had the pattern of codependency imprinted on you.

So, codependency stems from – and leads to more – unhealthy relationships.

One of the most prominent unwholesome characteristics of codependency is caretaking.

But wait… why wouldn’t caring be healthy?

Because there’s actually a marked difference between caretaking and caregiving. One is unhealthy, the other is not. Caregiving is rooted in love and kindness. Caretaking, however, is rooted in insecurity and the need for control, or the need to be needed, out of fear of loss.

How does this manifest itself?

Caretaking Vs. Caregiving

You cross the line into caretaking when you use all your energy and time to handle the problems of someone who is fully capable of handling them themselves.

You may do this to gain control of 1) the actions of the person you’re trying to help, 2) a situation that you have no power over, or 3) the perception of others, so they see you as a good person.

What are some of the signs that you may be caretaking?

• Others often accuse you of crossing personal boundaries or meddling. But you believe you know what’s best for others.

• The ability of others to take care of themselves seems unlikely. So, you tend to solve their problems without first giving them the chance to try it themselves.

• Solving other people’s problems comes with strings attached, expecting something in return (whether unconscious or not). After all, you sacrificed all your energy and time for them.

• You constantly feel stressed, exhausted, frustrated, and even depressed.

• Needy people are drawn to you like a magnet.

• You’re often judgmental.

• You don’t take care of yourself because you think that’s selfish.

On the other hand, you display caregiving when you offer a helping hand to someone who truly needs it. You accept what you can’t control and deal with the situation and the person compassionately.

How would you know you’re caregiving?

• Well-defined personal boundaries are in place, and you honor those of other people. You believe that you only know what’s best for you, not someone else.

• You trust others enough to know that they are capable of solving their own problems. So you give them a chance to do what they can to handle the issue, assuring them that you’re by their side if they need help, but you respectfully wait until they ask you to help.

• Instead of keeping account of your good deeds, you give freely of your extra energy and time,

• Giving of yourself feels satisfying, energizing, and even inspirational.

• You don’t see the logic in judging others. Instead, you listen and empathize withoutjumping to conclusions.

• You take care of yourself because you know unless you’re healthy and happy you can’t give assistance to others.

Caregiving Results in Healthy Relationships

Caretaking is a dysfunctional behavior. It’s something you learned. But you can change it!

Once you become aware of what caretaking behaviors are, you can begin to detect them in yourself. It gives you the ability to decrease them and replace them with caregiving behaviors. Sometimes this is hard to do alone and you might need the help of recovery groups like Al-anon or CoDa or the help of a therapist.

The result will be happier and healthier relationships with everyone in your life. You will have more time and energy for your loved ones – children, spouse, and extended family. You will set the example for others on how to create healthy boundaries and relationships. And, you can show them how to break free from the pattern of codependency.

Begin CodependencyTherapy in the Sacramento Area or Online:

Are you ready to find peace and boundaries? We are here to support you and provide high-quality, evidence-based treatment to people in the Sacramento Area and to people living in the state of California online. To begin trauma therapy in Fair Oaks, CA or Roseville, CA, please follow these steps:

1. Reach out to our relationship therapy clinic for a free 15-minute phone consultation to learn more about codependency therapy.
2. Meet with one of our compassionate therapists.
3. Begin codependency treatment and regain control in your life.

Other Services Offered at The Relationship Therapy Center in California:

In addition to individual therapy, Our Sacramento area counseling clinics located in Roseville and Fair Oaks, CA are pleased to offer a variety of mental health services. Our couples services include: Counseling after infidelity, sex therapy, co-parent counseling, family therapy, divorce counseling, intensive couples retreats, and premarital counseling. Individual therapy services include, therapy for children, teen therapy, depression treatment, and individual relationship counseling. Our therapists offer online counseling in California to treat a variety of mental health concerns. Please reach out to our Sacramento area therapy office to learn more about the many ways we can help you or your loved ones heal and grow.