Codependence is one of those thangs that doesn’t seem to be all that bad. In fact, people who exhibit codependent traits and characteristics are often well-liked ordinary functional members of society.
Things could be a lot worse, right?
What is Codependence?
Becoming entrenched in codependence strips people of their self-esteem and self-worth. It has them believe that the only way they can be worthy is to put others’ needs ahead of their own. It makes them feel responsible for other people’s moods, feelings, and behavior and leads them towards trying to “fix” problems that aren’t their problems to fix.
Codependence is a learned behavior, it’s not a diagnosis. The patterns can develop at any time, but for many they first emerge in childhood—developing around the relationship to primary caregivers—typically when there was some form of trouble or disharmony in the home.
What’s the Difference Between Codependence and Empathy?
Many codependent people are deeply empathetic, and empathy is a beautiful characteristic that connects people to one another. Making people feel less alone in their struggle.
Where codependence veers away from empathy is boundaries. Codependency leads people to investing so much into someone else that they end up empty, resentful, and exhausted.
Am I Codependent?
According to Codependence Anonymous, people who are codependent exhibit denial, low self-esteem, compliance, control, and avoidance patterns.
As stated on their website, here are some of the characteristics of codependence, check all that apply.
Do you:
- Have difficulty identifying what you are feeling?
- Minimize, alter, or deny how you feel?
- Believe you’re unselfish and dedicated to the well-being of others?
- Lack empathy for the feelings and needs of others?
- Label others with their negative traits?
- Think you can take care of yourself without any help from others?
- Mask pain in various ways such as anger, humor, or isolation?
- Express negativity or aggression in indirect and passive ways?
- Not recognize the unavailability of people you’re attracted to?
- Have difficulty making decisions?
- Judge what you think, say, or do harshly—you’re never good enough?
- Get embarrassed when you receive recognition, praise, or gifts?
- Value others’ approval more than your own?
- Believe you’re unlovable?
- Seek recognition and validation to feel better?
- Have difficulty admitting a mistake?
- Need to appear to be right in the eyes of others and may even lie to look good?
- Unable to identify or ask for what you need?
- Perceive yourself as superior?
- Have difficulty getting started, meeting deadlines, and completing projects?
- Have trouble setting healthy priorities and boundaries?
- Remain in harmful situations too long?
- Compromise your values and integrity to avoid rejection or anger?
- Put aside your own interests in order to do what others want?
- Hypervigilant regarding the feelings of others and take on those feelings?
- Afraid to express your beliefs, opinions, and feelings when they differ from those of others?
- Accept sexual attention when you want love?
- Make decisions without regard to the consequences?
- Give up your truth to gain the approval of others or to avoid change?
- Believe people are incapable of taking care of themselves?
- Attempt to convince others what to think, do, or feel?
- Freely offer advice and direction without being asked?
- Become resentful when others decline help or reject your advice?
- Lavish gifts and favors on those you want to influence?
- Use sexual attention to gain approval and acceptance?
- Have to feel needed in order to have a relationship with others?
- Adopt an attitude of indifference, helplessness, authority, or rage to manipulate outcomes?
- Use recovery jargon in an attempt to control the behavior of others?
- Pretend to agree with others to get what you want?
- Judge harshly what others think, say, or do?
- Avoid emotional, physical, or sexual intimacy as a way to maintain distance?
- Allow addictions to people, places, and things to distract you from achieving intimacy in relationships?
- Use indirect or evasive communication to avoid conflict or confrontation?
- Suppress your feelings or needs to avoid feeling vulnerable?
- Believe displays of emotion are a sign of weakness?
If you answered “yes” to many of the bullets on the list, we can help.
Therapy is an excellent way to rediscover who you are. Your therapist will work with you to help reveal codependency patterns in your life, and work with you to heal the reason they originated in the first place.
We believe the foundation of any good relationship starts with you, and the relationship you have with yourself.
We have two Northern California offices, one in Roseville and one in Fair Oaks. Give us a call, and start your healing journey today.
Begin Codependency Treatment in the Sacramento Area or Online in California:
If you are ready to break free from codependency and stop putting everyone’s needs before yours, then codependency treatment can help. The Relationship Therapy Center in Fair Oaks, CA or Roseville, CA and online in California can help you learn to advocate for your best interest. To begin codependency treatment in the Sacramento Area, follow these steps:
- Contact the Relationship Therapy Center to schedule your free 15-minute phone consultation to learn more about codependency treatment.
- Meet with one of our compassionate therapists.
- Begin codependency treatment and recognize YOUR worth!
Other Services Offered at The Relationship Therapy Center in California:
In addition to codependency treatment, Our Sacramento area counseling clinics located in Roseville and Fair Oaks, CA are pleased to offer a variety of mental health services. Our couples services include: Counseling after infidelity, sex therapy, co-parent counseling, family therapy, divorce counseling, intensive couples retreats, and premarital counseling. Our individual therapy services include, therapy for children, teen therapy, depression treatment, and individual relationship counseling. Our therapists offer online counseling in California to treat a variety of mental health concerns. Please reach out to our Sacramento area therapy office to learn more about the many ways we can help you or your loved ones heal and grow.