The Survival Guide for ADHD Couples

You suspected he had ADHD for years. The chronic leg jiggling, label peeling, and overall inability to sit still were part of what gave it away. But really, it was his inattention, the “are you even listening?!” that inspired you to set up the appointment for him to get diagnosed.

Now that your suspicions are confirmed, your husband does indeed have ADHD, you find yourself in another predicament: what happens next? 

The reality is, a diagnosis is all but worthless unless you decide to do something about it. Here are some tips to help both of you manage the impacts of ADHD in adulthood so that your relationship stays strong.

An ADHD Home

You like to wash the dishes after every meal. He doesn’t seem to mind letting them all pile up. You can’t leave the house unless the bed is made. He can, no problem. Your car is spotless. His is a junk drawer on wheels. 

Life often feels like a never-ending push-pull where you’re constantly nagging him to be more conscientious: please, tidy up after yourself! 

One way to mitigate this is to reach a compromise you’re both comfortable with. Maybe this involves a clear division of labor, with each of you responsible for specific tasks. For example, if he likes cooking, you can clean the kitchen after. If you’re responsible for the home, he’s responsible for the yard.

Set clear expectations and establish a timeframe for when the task needs to be completed.

If he enjoys projects, consider designating him his own space where he can indulge, without it impacting the rest of the household.

When living with someone with ADHD, it can feel like you’re responsible for managing everything in the home. The danger is that it can lead to frustration and resentment, which, if unaddressed, can have a devastating impact on the quality of your relationship.

ADHD marriage counseling is an excellent way to address how the diagnosis affects your relationship specifically. Ultimately, the more you can lean into each other’s strengths, establish clear lines of communication, and delegate responsibility, the better.

ADHD and Emotional Dysregulation

You’ve noticed that despite his usual calm and easygoing demeanor, a simple question when he’s in the middle of something is often met with anger. When he can’t find something, usually his keys, he roots through dirty laundry and upends drawers with such intensity you’d think he was robbing the place.

“Big feelings” like overreacting to the smallest inconvenience or having a short fuse are common in people with ADHD, especially when they’re tired or stressed.

Yet this doesn’t mean you have to resign yourself to tiptoeing around mood swings or just letting it go when he’s irritated with you for no good reason.

Working through the emotional dysregulation aspect of ADHD involves self-awareness and top-notch communication skills. It means he has to learn to take a breath before reacting, and apologize when he slips. It asks that you be honest about how you feel and be patient as he learns how to be more appropriate. This is something couples counseling for ADHD can help both of you master. 

To find someone experienced in working with couples dealing with ADHD, search “find local therapists specializing in adult ADHD near me.”

At the Relationship Therapy Center, we have helped countless couples work through all sorts of challenges, including ADHD.

Restoring peace and calm is possible, and your therapist will help you manage all the challenging aspects that accompany this diagnosis. Call us anytime to learn more and schedule your free consultation.

Begin Couples Counseling in the Sacramento Area:

If you are ready to learn how to deal with the problems in your relationship, the therapists at The Relationship Therapy Center in Fair Oaks, CA and Roseville, CA can help! Our therapists are ready to support you and your partner in your journey

towards creating a healthy and happy relationship. To begin marriage counseling in Roseville, CA area, marriage counseling in Davis, CA area or marriage counseling in Fair Oaks, please follow these three simple steps:

1. Contact our counseling office to get more information about couples counseling and to schedule a free consultation.
2. Make an appointment with one of our Gottman Method trained therapists.
3. Find support and healing in your relationship!

Other Services Offered at The Relationship Therapy Center in California:

In addition to couples counseling, Our Sacramento area counseling clinics located in Roseville, Davis and Fair Oaks, CA are pleased to offer a variety of mental health services. Our couples counseling services include: Counseling after infidelity, sex therapy, co-parent counseling, family therapy, divorce counseling, couples therapy retreats, and premarital counseling. Our individual therapy services include, anxiety treatment, trauma therapy, teen therapy, therapy for children, codependency counseling, depression treatment, and individual relationship counseling. We also offer online counseling to California residents. Please contact our office to learn more about the many ways we can help you and your loved ones.