You know that person. That one individual who refuses to change their destructive ways. Even when it’s obvious to everyone else how much better their life could be if they did.
Then, there’s that person whose life looks exactly the same now as it did 20 years ago. Sure, they’re driving a different car (same make and model, just newer version). Perhaps, they have a few more wrinkles on their face, but everything else is the same.
Growth and change are what makes life exciting and fun, but it can also be really terrifying.
So, why do we never seem to grow or change?
Here are some of the most common reasons we stay stuck.
Stuck in Trauma
Trauma impacts us in a far reaching way. Unresolved trauma takes root in your subconscious and influences your relationships.
Here’s the worst part. Unresolved trauma often has a negative impact on our lives without us even realizing it. It’s like your life is being controlled by an invisible internal dictator.
Part of our survival depends on avoiding danger, therefore we behave in ways that keep us alive and help us earn a desirable rank socially. So, when things happen that could threaten any of that, our minds are wired to remember each painful detail. This happens in hopes that you can avoid it in the future. Often leading to anxiety, depression, and you becoming less engaged in life.
It’s common for those who have experienced trauma or have PTSD to stay stuck, and therapy is your ticket to freeing yourself from its clutches.
Devil You Know
We are attracted to the familiar, even if it’s dysfunctional. Abuse you experienced in childhood has a lasting impact. If there has been dark childhood experiences, you are often attracted to the same dysfunction.
Then you find yourself cycling through the same bad relationships. Or, getting stuck in anger or some other big emotion. Being uncomfortable in your own skin is worth seeing a therapist. A therapist helps you get to the cause that’s driving your behavior so you can address it.
Lack of Insight or Awareness
It’s a challenge to identify a problem when you have no idea that the problem even exists. This is common if you lack self-awareness.
Some of us are naturally inquisitive and insightful, others are not.
Often, those of us who lack insight into ourselves don’t grow or change because we don’t know how, or may not see a reason to. Instead, we just do what we are supposed to do, without really questioning whether or not it’s something we actually enjoy. Rather than decide what we believe in and what are values are, we let society choose instead.
Worry
Growth and change are scary. There are no guarantees, and your brain naturally fears the unknown.
You have enough insight to know that you should change or grow in some capacity, yet you lack the resolve or skills to actually make it happen.
Again, therapy is one of the best ways to kick start lasting growth and change.
Environmental Reinforcement or Secondary Gains
We simply see no reason to change. Our behavior is working. Not to mention, our needs are being met, so… why should we change?
For example, think of the child who throws such a hurricane of a tantrum when they don’t get their way. And yet, their parents relent. Why should that child change? Their tantrum works, they got what they wanted.
This can play out in many different ways with all sorts of situations and behavior.
If you or a loved one feels stuck, or you’d like to explore aspects of change you’ve been too frightened to undertake, therapy is your ticket to freedom.
The Relationship Therapy Center is here for you and your loved ones. We offer therapy from two locations, one for in person Roseville and the other in Fair Oaks, California. Please, give us a call. We would love to be the ones to help you reclaim your life.
Begin Individual Therapy in the Sacramento Area
Individual therapy provides many benefits for both your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. From handling challenging life events to learning to live with ongoing mental health issues to simply getting help with everyday stress, seeking counseling can help you live your best life.
If you are ready to start individual therapy, we have a variety of exceptional therapists ready to help you. Take a look at their bios and if you would like to schedule a free 15-minute consultation give us a call.
Other Services Offered at The Relationship Therapy Center in California:
In addition to Individual therapy for adults our Sacramento area counseling clinics located in Roseville and Fair Oaks, CA are pleased to offer a variety of mental health services. Our couples services include: Counseling after infidelity, sex therapy, co-parent counseling, family therapy, divorce counseling, intensive couples retreats, and premarital counseling. Our individual therapy services include, therapy for children, teen therapy, depression treatment, and individual relationship counseling. Our therapists offer online counseling in California to treat a variety of mental health concerns. Please reach out to our Sacramento area therapy office to learn more about the many ways we can help you or your loved ones heal and grow.