Causes and tips for lack of intimacy in a relationship

Don’t make this mistake: your new relationship is so hot, so steamy, it’s easy to think it will always be that way. Yet in a cruel twist of fate, those “love” chemicals that you’re flooded with early on in courtship begin to peter out. If you’re not paying attention, you (yes, you, who couldn’t keep your hands off each other!) could quickly transition from a relationship to something that resembles more of a ‘roommateship.’ 

Here are some of the leading causes of a lack of intimacy. And some actionable steps you can take to boost your intimate connection. 

You’re Busy

If you’re alive and breathing, you’re busy. 

When you’re busy, it’s easy to lose track of your priorities. Indeed, the things you value are often put on the back burner… Your relationship is a prime example. 

The reason for this is simple: you don’t have a boss hounding you to ensure you and your spouse have hit your target monthly intimacy quota. In fact, no one is asking you to be accountable in your relationship except you and your other half. Especially when both of you are preoccupied, your relationship suffers big time.

This is one of the things that many people miss. You become so focused on things that don’t really matter that you lose track of what does. Then, you neglect their physical and mental health. And your family life and relationship suffer.

It’s a simple equation: you stop prioritizing your relationship and connection, and intimacy fades. Please, don’t let this be you; it’s a huge mistake many people realize all too late. Therefore, avoid letting your relationship and the other things you value in life play second fiddle to mundane, meaningless drivel. 

Unresolved Issues

Lingering conflict between your spouse can lead to resentment… which does not lend itself well to intimacy.

Other issues that can interfere with intimacy are past traumas related to sex, body image, or simply how you feel about yourself overall.

Many of these barriers to intimacy are easily resolved in therapy. Your therapist will help you understand how your sex life is being impacted. Likewise, they will support you as you overcome the hurdles.

All intimacy issues can be addressed in individual counseling, couples therapy, or both. 

Poor Communication

The pitfalls of poor communication are endless. Effective communication means you can express how you feel without blaming, shaming, or putting the other person on the defensive. 

One of the challenges here is that sometimes people don’t understand what they’re feeling, or why. Simultaneously, this can lead to emotional outbursts or the same argument being replayed over and over.

When your communication suffers, so does your sex life. 

You should express yourself so your other half can understand you and your perspective, and they should be able to do the same. 

When issues arise, it’s important that you view them as something to work through together. 

Good, solid communication is the lifeblood of a relationship, a skill that breeds success. If you find this is lacking, it’s crucial you seek help. Again, therapy is an excellent resource that can help you learn to articulate your needs effectively and accurately.

Exercises for Intimacy

Here are a few rapid-fire ideas to help rebuild intimacy:

• Discuss a meaningful topic
• Massage each other
• Play a game
• Hug for an extended period of time
• Indulge in Gottman’s famous six-second kiss
• Share stories
• Compliment one another
• Try a new activity together

Therefore, be intentional about spending quality time together. Focus on being present with each other and share what is going on internally. A deep, meaningful, intimate connection is built on trust and vulnerability. 

Make time for just the two of you, add it to your schedule if need be. In the same way, seek activities that allow you to talk and focus on each other. Go for walks, cook a nice meal. Also, put your phones away and sit together over a cup of coffee. 

Again, in many cases, couples counseling is the secret weapon. At the Relationship Therapy Center, we offer courses to help rekindle an intimate connection. If you need a more hands-on approach, schedule a session with one of our skilled therapists. They will address the specific issues that are causing your sex life to fizzle, and help get you and your spouse back on track. 

Begin Sex Therapy in the Sacramento Area:

If you are ready to regain intimacy in your relationship, sex therapy with a couples counselor at The Relationship Therapy Center can help. Our compassionate therapists want to help you and your partner feel comfortable being passionate with each other again. We are here to help support you in your relationship journey. To begin sex therapy at our counseling clinic in the Sacramento, CA area or online, please follow these steps:

• Contact our therapy center to learn more about sex therapy.

• Make an appointment with one of our Gottman trained sex therapists.
• Find healing in your relationship and regain intimacy with your loved one.

Other Services Offered at The Relationship Therapy Center in California:

In addition to sex therapy, Our Sacramento area counseling clinics located in Roseville and Fair Oaks, CA are pleased to offer a variety of mental health services. Our couples services include: Counseling after infidelity, sex therapy, co-parent counseling, family therapy, divorce counseling, intensive couples retreats, and premarital counseling. Our individual therapy services include, therapy for children, teen therapy, depression treatment, and individual relationship counseling. Our therapists offer online counseling in California to treat a variety of mental health concerns. Please reach out to our Sacramento area therapy office to learn more about the many ways we can help you or your loved ones heal and grow.