I have been talking to quite a few clients lately who describe their relationship as “verbally abusive.”  Previously, I wrote a blog on what a verbally abusive relationship looks like, in case you are wondering.  Many people are so subtly worn down by the put-downs, name-calling, and disregard of their personhood that they aren’t even aware of what a healthy marriage looks like. In Patricia Evans’ book “The Verbally Abusive Relationship,” she lists rights in a relationship that I would like to post here as a reminder to my clients.

You have the right to:

• goodwill from others.

• emotional support.

• be heard by the other and to be responded to with courtesy.

• have your own view, even if your mate has a different view.

• Experience your feelings and have them acknowledged as real.

• Receive a sincere apology for any jokes you find offensive.

• Patricia Evans’ book, “The Verbally Abusive Relationship.”

• clear and informative answers to questions that concern what is legitimately your business.

• live free form accusation and blame.

• be free from criticism and judgment.

• have your work and your interests spoken of with respect.

• encouragement.

• live free from emotional and physical threat.

• live free from angry outbursts and rage.

• be called by no name that devalues you.

• be respectfully asked rather than ordered.

So if these aren’t present in your relationship now you might ask yourself,

What can I do about an unhealthy relationship?

There are steps that you can take to protect yourself and to see if your mate is willing to change so that you can have connection and intimacy in your relationship. The first step is to get support for your own feelings and judgments.  You have been conditioned by the abuse to doubt yourself, who you are, and what you think and feel.  You can get support from friends, support groups, and professional counseling.  As you strengthen your own self-esteem and become aware of the subtle ways of abuse, you can begin to ask for change and set boundaries.

Begin Therapy in the Sacramento Area or Onlinein CA:

Are you ready to find peace and healing after tabuse? We are here to support you and provide high-quality evidence-based treatment to people in the Sacramento Area and online for people living in the state of California. To begin trauma therapy in Fair Oaks, CA or Roseville, CA, please follow these steps:

1. Reach out to our relationship therapy clinic for a free 15-minute phone consultation to learn more about trauma therapy.
2. Meet with one of our compassionate therapists.
3. Begin trauma treatment and regain control in your life.

Other Services Offered at The Relationship Therapy Center in California:

In addition to individual therapy, our Sacramento-area counseling clinics in Roseville and Fair Oaks, CA, are pleased to offer a variety of mental health services. Our couples services include: Counseling after infidelity, sex therapy, co-parent counseling, family therapy, divorce counseling, intensive couples retreats, and premarital counseling. Individual therapy services include therapy for children, teen therapy, depression treatment, and individual relationship counseling. Our therapists offer online counseling in California to treat a variety of mental health concerns. Please reach out to our Sacramento area therapy office to learn more about the many ways we can help you or your loved ones heal and grow.