White couple holding hands but facing away from each other

Why is it that when we get married or are in a relationship that we forget the common rules of respecting one another?  It’s an easy trap to fall into so let this be a simple reminder of the rules.


Begin each day with a promise to respect others

Sit down and talk quietly with one another

Listen carefully to what others say without trying to do something else

Look for things to appreciate in others

Give praise out loud for the good you see in others – even your spouse!

Tell others they are good, good enough, and lovable

Tell other they are worthwhile and important to you with words and actions

Speak in a neutral voice event when you disagree

Pass up chances to insult, attack, criticize, or say something sarcastic

Let others have responsibility for their lives while you take responsibility for yours.


Look for things to criticize

Make fun or laugh at others when it is inappropriate

Make faces or roll your eyes

Tell others how to run their lives

Insult other

Ignore others

Put people down in front of others to “gang up”

Act superior

Tell other that they’re weird or crazy 

Say others are bad, not good enough, or unolveable (or act like it)

Say others don’t belong, that “it’s” all their fault, or that you wish they were dead.

Call others names like, fat, ugly, stupid or worthless.

Nancy Ryan, LMFT

Nancy Ryan, LMFT

Nancy Ryan, LMFT specializes in working with individuals and couples who want deep, satisfying relationships with themselves and their partners. She works with couples who are ready to stop the destructive patterns and want to build the love, friendship and romance back into their partnership. We see clients in Roseville, CA and Fair Oaks, CA

For more on Relationship Counseling click here.