Do you ever have a moment—mid argument—where you catch a glimpse of clarity and think, what are we doing? What are we even fighting about?
If so, here’s the real shocker: Frequent spats often have little to nothing to do with the subject of the argument. Rather, they’re an indication there’s something deeper going on.
What Most Couples Fight About
The reality is, most couples fight about… nothing.
Yes, finances, sex, parenting and trying to communicate how you feel is all incredibly important. But often, the same arguments seem to happen over and over. Nothing gets resolved with constant bickering.
If it seems like you’re having the same argument again and again, this may be why you feel as though you’re not getting anywhere—because you’re not.
There’s often something deeper going on, something that’s not getting addressed.
Underlying Issues that Lead to Couples Spats
Most fights that couples have stem from unhealthy relationship dynamics and significant underlying concerns.
Often, it’s impossible to discover what these are and how to best address them without help from a professional. Working with a couple’s counselor is the best way to pinpoint the sources of dysfunction, and assist the couple as they work through it.
Here’s a brief rundown of common issues that result in arguments:
Feeling Unheard
Feeling unheard and not being properly validated in a relationship can result in frequent arguments. Often, this occurs due to poor communication or a lack of understanding with little to no empathy for a partner’s experience.
A couple’s therapist can help build the bridge to clearer understanding and better communication between the two of you.
Lack of Respect
Respect is a fundamental pillar to a good loving relationship.
Regardless of if it’s a perceived lack of respect or an actual lack of respect, it’s imperative that this be examined and remedied through couples counseling.
Usually if respect is missing, the relationship is doomed without help.
Lack of Trust
Like respect, trust is another relationship pillar. If infidelity occurred—either in a previous relationship or the current one—reestablishing trust is incredibly important. It requires time, patience, and a skilled couple’s counselor to help the couple emerge from the trenches and reestablish a safe and loving union. Please don’t just move on without healing. Healing allows it to be really resolved, instead of coming up down the road.
Unbalanced Relationship Effort
If you’re invested in the relationship and your partner is checked out, it’s easy to see why this can be an issue, and frequent arguing is often an attempt to get their attention—get them to care.
Often, this issue can be remedied by strengthening communication, working together to create a path forward where you and your other half are able to each get your needs met.
Unmet Needs
It’s all so easy to just… go with the feeling during the early stages of a relationship. During those first months, you’re on top of the world. How could the person consuming your thoughts NOT be the one?!
It’s only later that you realize the person you’re with only meets a fraction of your needs.
Or maybe you’re not even sure what your emotional needs are yet, you just feel like your partner doesn’t see you or care about how you feel.
Many people make the mistake of expecting their spouse to be a mind reader (they should just know!) and are left disappointed when their other half fails to give them what they need.
Or, they make the mistake of assuming their partner operates just like they do emotionally, when in reality that’s hardly ever the case.
From a waning sexual desire to not feeling connected to your spouse, seeing a therapist is an excellent way to identify what your needs are, and learn to convey them to your partner.
Here at the Relationship Therapy Center, we’re all about—you guessed it—relationships.
We understand how tricky they can be, but also how incredibly rewarding they are when you learn how to communicate well, connecting with yourself and each other.
We’ve got all the tools you need to better your relationship, and if this sounds like something you’d benefit from, we’d love to share these skills with you.
Give us a call or text any time to learn more.
Begin Couples Counseling in the Sacramento Area:
If you are ready to learn how to deal with the problems in your relationship, the therapists at The Relationship Therapy Center in Fair Oaks, CA and Roseville, CA can help! Our therapists are ready to support you and your partner in your journey towards creating a healthy and happy relationship. To begin marriage counseling in Roseville, CA area, or marriage counseling in Fair Oaks, please follow these three simple steps:
- Contact our counseling office to get more information about couples counseling and to schedule a free consultation.
- Make an appointment with one of our Gottman Method trained therapists.
- Find support and healing in your relationship!
Other Services Offered at The Relationship Therapy Center in California:
In addition to couples counseling, Our Sacramento area counseling clinics located in Roseville and Fair Oaks, CA are pleased to offer a variety of mental health services. Our couples counseling services include: Counseling after infidelity, sex therapy, co-parent counseling, family therapy, divorce counseling, couples therapy retreats, and premarital counseling. Our individual therapy services include, anxiety treatment, trauma therapy, teen therapy, therapy for children, codependency counseling, depression treatment, and individual relationship counseling. We also offer online counseling to California residents. Please contact our office to learn more about the many ways we can help you and your loved ones.