Fighting about money is common. So common in fact, that according to a study by Ramsey Solutions, arguments about money are the second leading cause of divorce.
It’s tricky when you’re a saver, and your partner spends money frequently and if you’re being honest, foolishly, because as a result, you have no savings.
If you and your partner constantly argue about money, or you’re in a new relationship and their spending habits are making you squirm, here are some helpful ideas to navigate these choppy waters, so you both can feel secure.
Why is Money Such a Loaded Topic?
Before we get started, let’s consider the topic of money. It’s still somewhat taboo. It’s widely considered impolite to talk about, and our financial well-being is usually shielded from everyone. It’s not something most would consider discussing on a first date, or even a third.
The downside, of course, is many people refrain from discussing their financial habits or situation, and only voice their concerns when and if there’s a problem.
To many, money is a symbol of survival. It means resources – the ability to acquire the necessary supplies needed to stay alive. This – equating money to survival and resources – is what contributes to some of the intensity lurking beneath arguments about finances.
All of us have different relationships with finances.
For some, a shopping addiction could be a reason for spending money. Others may be caught up in high-interest loans, working to try and put a dent in their debt.
Some may not even realize their spending habits, may not be aware that they’re spending more money than they make, and are slipping further behind.
Ideally, sharing our financial situation, tendencies, spending habits and goals with a partner during the initial phases of a relationship is best.
However, since that has yet to be embraced as the norm, most discussions about finances arise in the form of arguments, as committed couples realize that they have different views on money and how it should – or shouldn’t – be spent.
So, if you find yourself in that situation, how do you proceed?
Sit down with your partner, and go over the finances. This discussion should just be about the facts; do not dip into blame or finger pointing.
Channel your inner accountant – this is just about the numbers.
Sometimes, it takes all that it takes to return to the same page, simply bringing the reality of the financial situation to the forefront, and working together to come up with a realistic financial plan.
Other times, if money is being used as part of a bigger issue, such as funding an addiction, or being spent on things neither of you can afford, this can be a sensitive topic to broach.
Who Can Help?
Couples counseling is one of the best ways to approach a situation where finances seem to be tearing the relationship apart.
Frequently, the issues being argued about aren’t always at the root of what’s really happening. A therapist helps guide the couple and work to uncover the crux of the issue. Through learning and understanding how it plays out in different areas of the relationship, a couple can heal and integrate healthier, more effective communication into their union.
At the Relationship Therapy Center, we’ve helped countless couples work their way through challenges, and come out the other side stronger and better than ever. If frequent intense arguments about finances – or anything else – feel like they might ruin your relationship, we can help. Call or visit our website to learn more.
Begin Couples Counseling in the Sacramento Area:
If you are ready to learn how to deal with the problems in your relationship, the therapists at The Relationship Therapy Center in Fair Oaks, CA, and Roseville, CA can help! Our therapists are ready to support you and your partner in your journey toward creating a healthy and happy relationship. To begin counseling in Roseville, CA area, or counseling in Fair Oaks, please follow these three simple steps:
Contact our counseling office to get more information about couples counseling and to schedule a free consultation,
Make an appointment with one of our Gottman Method-trained therapists
Find support and healing in your relationship!
Other Services offered at The Relationship Therapy Center in California:
In addition to couples counseling, Our Sacramento area counseling clinics located in Roseville and Fair Oaks, CA are pleased to offer a variety of mental health services. Our couples services include: Couples Counseling, Counseling after infidelity, sex therapy, co-parent counseling, family therapy, divorce counseling, intensive couples retreats, and premarital counseling. Our individual therapy services include anxiety treatment, therapy for children, teen therapy, depression treatment, codependency counseling and individual relationship counseling. Our therapists offer online counseling in California to treat a variety of mental health concerns. Please reach out to our Sacramento area therapy office to learn more about the many ways we can help you or your loved ones.