If you don’t know your partner’s love language, or worse—you know it, but you’re not “speaking” it—you’re missing out.
Love is an incredible thing, and understanding and nurturing your partner’s love language is an excellent way to make them feel appreciated, cared for, and of course: loved.
Whether new to the concept or are looking for a refresher, think of this as the ‘Rosetta Stone’ of love languages.
From defining the 5-types to tips on expressing each—and more—this is all about Love Languages.
The 5 Love Languages
The concept of love language was introduced in 1992 through the book, ‘The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate’ by Gary Chapman. It has sold over 20 million copies, and continues to change lives. The five love languages are:
- Words of affirmation
- Acts of service
- Quality time
- Giving gifts
- Physical touch
While each of these is important to incorporate into a relationship, most people have one that shines brighter than the rest. That’s their love language.
Let’s take a closer look at each.
Words of Affirmation
What it looks like: From general praise to expressing what it is you love about your other half, to supporting and encouraging them.
How it’s expressed: Openly sharing your adoration. Understanding that even if you’ve expressed it before, it’s worth saying again. Slip them little unsolicited notes, and generally be vocal about all the ways they add to your life with all their wonderful attributes.
What to Avoid: Non constructive criticism and not appreciating them, or taking efforts for granted.
Reconnecting after Conflict: Honesty and sincerity are key.
Acts of Service
What it looks like: Easing or sharing the burden of responsibility, thoughtful gestures that show your partner how much you appreciate them and care.
How it’s expressed: Breakfast in bed, or know that they like certain things “just so” and keeping it that way. Be cognizant of what your partner’s day looks like, and do things that can help relieve them of some of the burden.
What to Avoid: Not following through, or constantly leaving dirty laundry on the floor after they’ve shown you countless times where the hamper is.
Reconnecting after Conflict: Committing to and following through on behavior change, as requested.
Quality Time
What it looks like: Focused one-on-one time where you’re truly present with them
How it’s expressed: A date night or other planned outing, or time spent with them doing an activity that they enjoy like a regular evening walk where you connect after a long day at work.
What to Avoid: Being distracted by your phone while you’re together, or weeks without connecting and spending time together.
Reconnecting after Conflict: Be present, and listen.
Giving Gifts
What it looks like: Giving your loved one items they actually want, things that show them how well you know them.
How it’s expressed: Surprise them with a new book by an author they love, or something else unexpected that you know will brighten their day.
What to Avoid: Avoid forgetting special occasions and giving generic gifts—things that they don’t really want or need.
Reconnecting after Conflict: Let them know you’re sorry with an apology note and a bouquet of their favorite flowers.
Physical Touch
What it looks like: Body language, physical touch and closeness.
How it’s expressed: Treat them to a massage. Reach for their hand when walking or sitting next to each other in the car. Hug them and rub their shoulders after a long day.
What to Avoid: Long stints without close physical contact, lack of intimacy and physical contact.
Reconnecting after Conflict: Hold each other close, basking in the warmth of love and connection.
Knowing your partner’s love language and nurturing it through your actions, words, gestures—whatever it might be—is an excellent way to keep that cherry on the top of your relationship.
For those looking for other ways to help their relationship, couples counseling could be the key. We offer couples counseling in Roseville and Fair Oaks—we even have weekend appointments for couples who are too busy for sessions during the week.
Call or text us any time, we’re always happy to share more about what we do and how we can help.
Begin Couples Counseling in the Sacramento Area:
If you are ready to learn how to deal with the problems in your relationship, the therapists at The Relationship Therapy Center in Fair Oaks, CA and Roseville, CA can help! Our therapists are ready to support you and your partner in your journey towards creating a healthy and happy relationship. To begin marriage counseling in Roseville, CA area, or marriage counseling in Fair Oaks, please follow these three simple steps:
- Contact our counseling office to get more information about couples counseling and to schedule a free consultation.
- Make an appointment with one of our Gottman Method trained therapists.
- Find support and healing in your relationship!
Other Services Offered at The Relationship Therapy Center in California:
In addition to couples counseling, Our Sacramento area counseling clinics located in Roseville and Fair Oaks, CA are pleased to offer a variety of mental health services. Our couples counseling services include: Counseling after infidelity, sex therapy, co-parent counseling, family therapy, divorce counseling, couples therapy retreats, and premarital counseling. Our individual therapy services include, anxiety treatment, trauma therapy, teen therapy, therapy for children, codependency counseling, depression treatment, and individual relationship counseling. We also offer online counseling to California residents. Please contact our office to learn more about the many ways we can help you and your loved ones