Feeling lonely is bad enough to begin with. And if you’re in a relationship feeling lonely? Ugh, it’s awful.
But here’s the thing: this feeling usually doesn’t occur overnight.
If you already feel alone in your relationship, these tips will reestablish the connection you crave. Or if you sense bits of loneliness here and there, these tips can help combat feeling lonely in a marriage as well.
What Leads People to Feel Alone in a Relationship?
The path to feeling alone in a relationship isn’t all that straightforward. Usually, the loneliness grows over time, and then one day it hits you all at once.
If you feel alone in your relationship, you may notice that intimacy is infrequent or non-existent. Your communication is superficial and fleeting at best, and for the most part the two of you are leading separate lives.
There can be other elements that reinforce that lonely feeling. Maybe your partner doesn’t understand you. They make fun of your hobbies, or can’t comprehend why you feel more recharged after a weekend camping than a whirlwind getaway to a fancy resort.
When you sense your spouse is unwilling to accept you for you, it’s no wonder you feel alone.
How Do You Combat Loneliness Within a Marriage?
The reasons that result in feeling lonely in a relationship or marriage are different for every couple. It’s important to hone in on what is leading you to feel that way. For most people, it’s a combination of reasons. They can include things like:
- You feel neglected by your partner
- You feel disconnected from your spouse
- You feel like you’re not a priority
- There’s a loss of intimacy
- You feel as though they’ve put up walls
- You feel as though they don’t understand you
- You sense resentment
- They’re kinder and more attentive to other people than they are to you
Be clear and ask yourself, “what circumstances are leading me to feel lonely in my marriage?”
Sometimes feelings can be these nebulous things, and the best way to understand their origins is to put words to them. Examine what causes them to occur.
Once you have a clear picture of what’s leading you to be in a relationship and feeling lonely, you can address the issue head on.
What Tips Address Being in a Relationship Feeling Alone?
Oftentimes (especially if you’ve been feeling lonely for a long time!) if the contributing factors include hurt, resentment, past trauma, etc. the only way to really get to the root of the problem is through therapy.
A lot of couples could be saved from unnecessary pain, stress, and even divorce if they only understood how efficient therapy is. A couples counselor has the education and knowledge required to find the root of the issue and initiate healing.
If you find having an honest deep conversation with your other half challenging, this is a good indicator you need couples therapy.
As well as therapy, here are some tips that can help you feel less alone in your relationship.
Communicate how you feel: Don’t be accusatory, just mention how you’ve been feeling. If you’re worried the loneliness will lead to drifting apart which will erode the integrity of the relationship over time, say it.
If your thoughts feel jumbled and unclear, it can help write them down first.
Ask for what you need: What would make you feel less alone? What type of presence are you looking for, and how can that be remedied?
Listen to Your Spouse: Hear them out. Try to understand their perspective, and encourage them to understand yours.
Find a solution: This can look like carving out a few hours a week for just the two of you. It could be a mini vacation somewhere relaxing where you leave tech behind and focus on one another.
If the issues are deep or if the lonely feeling is an extension of neglect in childhood or some deep-seated insecurity, get help. Communication issues? Get help.
Therapy is your ticket to healing and reconnecting. It helps you realign with yourself, and connect deeply with the person you fell in love with.
Nancy Ryan, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist & Certified Gottman Method Therapist has over 12 years of experience working with couples. She now is CEO of The Relationship Therapy Center in the Sacramento, California area including Roseville, CA and Fair Oaks, CA. and online in the state of California. She mentors all of the therapists here at RTC. We have a couples specialist to help you today.
Begin Couples Counseling in the Sacramento Area:
If you are ready to learn how to deal with the problems in your relationship, the therapists at The Relationship Therapy Center in Fair Oaks, CA and Roseville, CA can help! Our therapists are ready to support you and your partner in your journey towards creating a healthy and happy relationship. To begin marriage counseling in Roseville, CA area, or marriage counseling in Fair Oaks, please follow these three simple steps:
- Contact our counseling office to get more information about couples counseling and to schedule a free consultation.
- Make an appointment with one of our Gottman Method trained therapists.
- Find support and healing in your relationship!
Other Services Offered at The Relationship Therapy Center in California:
In addition to couples counseling, Our Sacramento area counseling clinics located in Roseville and Fair Oaks, CA are pleased to offer a variety of mental health services. Our couples counseling services include: Counseling after infidelity, sex therapy, co-parent counseling, family therapy, divorce counseling, couples therapy retreats, and premarital counseling. Our individual therapy services include, anxiety treatment, trauma therapy, teen therapy, therapy for children, codependency counseling, depression treatment, and individual relationship counseling. We also offer online counseling to California residents. Please contact our office to learn more about the many ways we can help you and your loved ones.