You lie there, pretending to sleep. He gets into bed, switches off the light. Pulls the covers over him and slowly – ok there’s nothing slow about it – he falls asleep immediately.

As you lay listening to him snore, you think about what used to happen in this bed.

What happened? 

How did something that was so exciting, fun, and honestly felt so good, slowly morph into feeling like a chore? 

If you’re experiencing this in your relationship, you’re not alone. Of course, the world wants you to believe that every other couple everywhere is having sex, all the time, no problem. But frankly, that’s not true.

As couples move through the phases in their relationship, left unchecked, most experience a decrease in frequency of sex. 

Here are some of the contributing factors:

  1. Life gets in the way – you’re both busy, and tired
  2. There are differences in libido – one may have a higher sex drive than the other, but fears rejection so does not initiate sex
  3. It’s been so long – it almost feels awkward
  4. There’s been a major life change – if you’ve recently had a baby for instance, your new routine leaves no room for amorous actions.
  5. You’ve drifted apart

A fleeting to nonexistent sex life is something that should be addressed. 

If you shudder at the thought, think, “No thanks… how awkward!” take a second to mull over what else you’re saying no to.

Sex is the one thing most share with their partners that’s sacred between the two of them. It connects both physically and emotionally. It comes with a slew of health benefits, and it feels good too.

Through dismissing something, choosing not to talk about it because it’s embarrassing or somewhat taboo, it becomes even harder to address further down the road. 

If the thought of talking about it now feels uncomfortable, waiting and choosing to do nothing allows that fissure of disconnect to grow, and it can sometimes crack the relationship in the process. 

Sex Therapy Can Help

Many misinterpret what sex therapy is, and have no idea how beneficial it can be for those who are having trouble with their sex life.

Before mentioning what sex therapy is, let’s be clear on what it’s not: Sex therapy does not involve any touching. There is no dimly lit room with bean bag chairs and cushions all around. There’s no incense burning, flute music coming from somewhere and a little fountain trickling in the corner, as a person in loose clothing guides you and your partner through different activities in various states of undress. 

That is not sex therapy – or at least the type we’re talking about here.

Sex therapy occurs with a licensed therapist in a professional setting. You may still feel somewhat awkward – which is totally normal and understandable – however the main point of the sessions is to address contributing factors that landed you and your partner where you are, and find ways to navigate through them. 

One of the best aspects of sex therapy (or couples, or any form of therapy) is it opens the lines of communication. Both in your relationship to yourself, and the one you have with your partner. 

Your therapist will work with the two of you to find ways to restore intimacy in all its forms. Sex is a natural, normal part of being an adult, and is nothing to be ashamed about.

If you and your partner feel like you need some help reigniting that spark, our therapists are here to help. At the Relationship Therapy Center, our focus is to help you get the most out of every aspect of your relationships. 

It’s your life, your relationship, and we see no reason why you shouldn’t be able to enjoy it to the fullest. 

Give us a call, we’d be happy to hear from you and see how we can help.

Begin Sex Therapy in the Sacramento Area:

If you are ready to regain intimacy in your relationship, sex therapy with a couples counselor at The Relationship Therapy Center can help. Our compassionate therapists want to help you and your partner feel comfortable being passionate with each other again. We are here to help support you in your relationship journey. To begin sex therapy at our counseling clinic in the Sacramento, CA area or online, please follow these steps:

Other Services offered at The Relationship Therapy Center in California:

In addition to sex therapy, Our Sacramento area counseling clinics located in Roseville and Fair Oaks, CA are pleased to offer a variety of mental health services. Our couples services include: Couples Counseling, Counseling after infidelity, sex therapy, co-parent counseling, family therapy, divorce counseling, intensive couples retreats, and premarital counseling. Our individual therapy services include anxiety treatment, therapy for children, teen therapy, depression treatment, codependency counseling and individual relationship counseling. Our therapists offer online counseling in California to treat a variety of mental health concerns. Please reach out to our Sacramento area therapy office to learn more about the many ways we can help you or your loved ones.