The Relationship Advice That No One Gave Us

What kind of relationship advice were you given? 

Most of us were not taught anything, and others received really, just… bad advice. 

Women especially got an extensive list of how to be desirable to a man—as if the goal is to just snag any Tom, Dick or Harry that showed even the slightest smidgen of interest—oh joy!

Honestly, when it comes to relationships, most people are like a litter of puppies, sweet and innocent with their lack of awareness, nosing around with their eyes sealed shut, moved by instinct yet completely unaware of what is really going on.

Here’s the advice we should have been told about relationships—advice you’re never too old to learn.

You Are Enough

Fact: You are enough, just as you are. You don’t need a partner to “elevate” your status in any way or make you acceptable. You are perfectly wholly complete, just as you are.

Happiness Is Your Responsibility

It is nobody’s job to make you happy. Of course, it’s a bonus when your spouse makes you happy, but that is not their job. Your emotions are your responsibility and you cannot blame them on anyone else. 

A Relationship is a Partnership

You are a team of equals. If one of you makes more money, that doesn’t mean that person is better in any way. It’s important to work together to establish what works for you, no matter how unconventional. There may be times where one partner shoulders a little more of the burden, but that should also shift the other way, too. 

Let your partner know when you’re proud of them. Let them know when you’re struggling and could use some support. Being in a relationship means you have a teammate, and together, you’re working on the same goals.

There’s Empty Romance and Real Romance

A lot of romantic gestures are empty. A diamond means nothing if it comes from someone who is otherwise emotionally unavailable and distant. 

Yet many people are conditioned to believe that grand gestures with expensive material items are the only way to show love and romance.

Real romance is unexpected. Real romance shows up in the form of care, like how, after a long hike up a mountain and back again you have no energy. Your boyfriend wraps you in a warm blanket. He carefully unlaces your boots for you, takes them off, and massages your sweaty damp feet. 

Feeling cared for and attended to when you need it is absolutely priceless. 

Take Your Time

There’s no reason to rush. When stepping into a new relationship, be deliberate and take your time. The most charming suitors are not always what they seem…

Be Aware of Dealbreakers and Red Flags

Know what you want—and what you don’t want. Make a commitment to yourself to not tolerate unacceptable behavior. 

Growing Apart is as Easy as Falling in Love

If you’re not actively present in your relationship, it’s easy to lose interest and drift apart. 

Your Trauma and Unresolved Issues Will Show

Any of that uncomfortable stuff you keep hidden is bound to make a grand entrance in your relationship. The more healed and self-aware you are, the better you’ll be able to communicate in your relationship and the less tolerant you’ll be of subpar behavior.

Your Partner Has a Different Perception

They may be your other half, but that in no way means they view the world or situations through the same perceptive lens that you do.

Communication is imperative to knowing and understanding them and letting them know and understand you.

Know What You Want

Find someone who shares your vision of the future and wants the same things as you do. Find someone who shares some of the same hobbies and interests that you do so you can go on adventures and explore the world together.

Know how you need to be loved and supported so you can find someone who meets those needs.

Create a Shared Vision of the Future

Life has so many twists and turns. You’ll both grow and change—just make sure you’re moving in the same direction.  

Discuss what you want before making a big commitment.  

Have Fun

Fun relationships are the best relationships. Flirt with each other, laugh and have fun. Those little inside jokes and summer evenings that you get takeout and bring it to the park to enjoy the sunset? Those are the small yet incredibly significant activities that will keep you together. 

The secret to a good relationship lies in knowing what your needs are so you can express them, and healing the wounds of the past. In other words, the secret lies in you. If you’re struggling, therapy can help. Please reach out to us if you’re interested in individual or couples therapy and want to learn more.

Begin Couples Counseling in the Sacramento Area:

If you are ready to learn how to deal with the problems in your relationship, the therapists at The Relationship Therapy Center in Fair Oaks, CA and Roseville, CA can help! Our therapists are ready to support you and your partner in your journey towards creating a healthy and happy relationship. To begin marriage counseling in Roseville, CA area, or marriage counseling in Fair Oaks, please follow these three simple steps:

1. Contact our counseling office to get more information about couples counseling and to schedule a free consultation.
2. Make an appointment with one of our Gottman Method trained therapists.
3. Find support and healing in your relationship!

Other Services Offered at The Relationship Therapy Center in California:

In addition to couples counseling, Our Sacramento area counseling clinics located in Roseville and Fair Oaks, CA are pleased to offer a variety of mental health services. Our couples counseling services include: Counseling after infidelity, sex therapy, co-parent counseling, family therapy, divorce counseling, couples therapy retreats, and premarital counseling. Our individual therapy services include, anxiety treatment, trauma therapy, teen therapy, therapy for children, codependency counseling, depression treatment, and individual relationship counseling. We also offer online counseling to California residents. Please contact our office to learn more about the many ways we can help you and your loved ones.