There are a lot of misconceptions or preconceived ideas about marriage counseling. For example; that one partner will be blamed for all the issues in the marriage, that the therapist will “side” with one partner over another, or that the problems a couple might be experiencing in their marriage don’t warrant such an intervention.
In reality, none of these things are true. Deciding to attend marriage counseling with your spouse is one of the most positive, mutually-beneficial things a couple can do together. Marriage counseling offers a chance for both parties to discuss their needs, address their concerns, and work through their feelings equally.
It’s common for couples to seek marriage counseling when the relationship feels as though it’s broken down, perhaps to a point where it feels unsalvageable. Another reason many married couples seek counseling is that they’ve simply been together for so long, that the flame that brought them together feels as though it’s died out.
There are many benefits to attending marriage counseling with your spouse that you may not even be aware of, such as learning new skills, supportive coaching, and receiving feedback on ways to improve your marriage, and ultimately, bring you and your spouse much closer together.
Here are just some of the things you might learn during your marriage counseling.
1. How to stop an argument in its tracks.
Fighting and conflict are a normal, natural part of all kinds of relationships but if things tend to escalate quickly between you and your spouse, marriage counseling can teach you skills to manage things before they get out of hand.
2. How to stop fighting dirty.
Your therapist can help you both identify when either of you might be engaging in passive-aggressive, avoidant, or overtly-aggressive behaviors, and coach you on how to resolve conflict in healthier ways.
3. How to talk about tough things.
No one likes to have difficult conversations, but learning how to do so is a crucial step in bringing you and your spouse together. Your therapist can teach each of you to initiate and engage in difficult conversations that lead to discussion and resolution, ultimately bringing you closer together.
4. How to relearn your Love Languages.
Everybody gives and receives love in slightly different ways, based on a number of factors from learned experience to their childhood upbringing. Understanding how your spouse prefers to give and receive love will help each of you create more of it in your marriage.
5. How to reconnect emotionally.
When we first meet someone special, it’s often the thrill of emotional intimacy that brings us closer together. This kind of intimacy doesn’t have to fade away over time, your therapist will show you how to find that magic and bring it back to create a deeper, more fulfilling connection between you.
6. How to negotiate.
While the simple day-to-day things might be easy enough to work out between yourselves, the trickier things like parenting styles, finances, sex, and health or lifestyle choices can be more difficult to navigate. Your therapist can teach you strategies for negotiating and setting boundaries around the things you both need and desire.
7. How to stop pushing each other’s buttons.
As tempting as it may be to do this in the throes of an argument, or even as “payback” for past hurt, intentionally baiting your spouse can create deep-running resentment that only builds over time. You can both learn to let this common default behavior go, honoring each other’s triggers rather than capitalizing on them.
8. How to repair the cracks.
Marriage counseling isn’t an overnight solution, but your therapist will teach you skills and techniques to heal past hurts, as well as work together to maintain your strengthening bond as time goes on.
9. How to communicate.
Perhaps the single-most-important foundation of marriage is the ability to communicate with each other. Marriage counseling will help you uncover new ways to be seen, heard, and understood.
10. How to stop being critical.
Nagging and nitpicking, and the defensiveness that comes along with them, can create barriers that grow into walls between spouses. You can learn to let these behaviors go, and break down the barriers between you and your spouse.
Being able to recognize when there are issues in your marriage that require some TLC is a huge step toward overcoming them. Whatever your reason for considering marriage counseling, know that you are not alone and that there are countless skills and strategies you can learn to bring love, spice, and laughter back to your marriage.
Begin Working with a Marriage Counselor in California:
If you are ready to learn how to deal with the problems in your relationship, the caring therapists at The Relationship Therapy Center in Fair Oaks, CA, and Roseville, CA can help! Our therapists are ready to support you and your partner in your journey towards creating a healthy and happy relationship. To begin counseling in the Sacramento, CA area, please follow these three simple steps:
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Contact our counseling office to get more information about couples counseling and to schedule a free consultation,
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Make an appointment with one of our Gottman trained therapists
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Find support and healing in your relationship!
Other Services Offered at The Relationship Therapy Center in California:
In addition to couples counseling, Our Sacramento area counseling clinics located in Roseville and Fair Oaks, CA are pleased to offer a variety of mental health services. Our couples services include: Couples Counseling, Counseling after infidelity, sex therapy, co-parent counseling, family therapy, divorce counseling, intensive couples retreats, and premarital counseling. Our individual therapy services include anxiety treatment, therapy for children, teen therapy, depression treatment, codependency counseling and individual relationship counseling. Our therapists offer online counseling in California to treat a variety of mental health concerns. Please reach out to our Sacramento area therapy office to learn more about the many ways we can help you or your loved ones.