Are you thinking about a second marriage? Although divorce statistics in the U.S. paint a dire picture, showing divorce rates increasing from 41-50% for first marriages to 60-67% for second marriages, there are things you can do to beat the odds. And attending premarital counseling for your second marriage may just be the most important one.
The ancient Chinese military general, writer, and philosopher Sun Tzu once said, “Every battle is won before it is fought.” Suppose we take these words and apply them to marriage and relationships. In that case, we understand that for a second marriage to be successful, it must be carefully tended to from the start, before it evens begins.
Although most people enter into second marriages older and wiser, they present a whole new set of challenges to overcome. These include the merging of two families, healing old emotional wounds, and separating your first marriage from your second. For these reasons and many more, premarital counseling for your second marriage can be the very thing that sets you apart from the masses and ensures that your second marriage sticks.
Why premarital counseling for a second marriage? First, because you (hopefully) learned from your first marriage and don’t want to make the same mistakes twice. And second, because the ending of a first marriage is likely to leave wounds and stories that need to be resolved. By attending couples counseling before tying the knot a second time, you will be arming yourself with the necessary tools to make your second marriage a success and build a foundation of trust, communication, and respect.
Why Premarital Counseling for a Second Marriage?
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Learn to leave the past in the past. Understand that you must be vigilant in order to stop your past experiences and former spouse from poisoning the well that is your second marriage. The two relationships are separate; learn to keep them that way.
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Get to know one another on a deeper level than ever before. Premarital counseling is a chance to talk about all the things you’ve never talked about before, to land fully on the same page as your partner, and to create a vision of your life together.
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Strengthen trust and vulnerability. This aspect of a relationship can be challenging after a betrayal or hurt from a first marriage, but allowing yourself to open up and develop trust is vital for a successful relationship.
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Learn from your first marriage; see both the successes and the failures. What worked? What didn’t? What did you learn? What do you want to do differently this time?
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Define your values and get on the same page with parenting styles, finances, health and wellness, and which rituals and routines your new family will create.
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Learn healthy communication and conflict resolution skills. Stay clear of The Four Horsemen – Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling – and leave out words like “never” and “always”. Understand that conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but that the couples who can resolve it peacefully will grow stronger and closer together over time.
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Talk about expectations to avoid misunderstandings and resentments. How does each of you receive love? Give love? What do you expect from one another? Understand the importance of building appreciation and admiration for one another and learn ways to make the other feel seen and heard.
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Learn how to blend families and stepparent successfully. The role of a stepparent is a subtle one of supporter, mentor, and friend; it will take time and patience to build this relationship. Expect and accept the resistance. In the end, remember that the goal is to model for each of your children how a healthy and loving relationship looks.
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Take inventory of yourselves and your relationship. What are your strengths and weaknesses? What areas need improvement? Where do the two of you see eye-to-eye, and where do you see differently?
It’s no secret that second marriages can be tricky. After all, you’re bringing in some baggage from your past. But, with science-based couples therapy, the right conversations, actions, and daily practices, second marriages can be much stronger and more successful than the first. Premarital counseling before your wedding day will help to ensure you don’t make the same mistakes twice.
Begin Premarital Counseling in Fair Oaks, CA and Roseville, CA or Online Therapy in California
Premarital counseling is especially important for second marriages as it helps couples work through the issues of their past so they can have successful relationships in the future. It can also help you navigate potential challenges that could occur if you’re blending a family. To begin counseling in Fair Oaks, counseling in Roseville, CA, or online therapy in California, follow these steps:
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Meet with one of our talented couples therapists for premarital counseling in California
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Begin premarital counseling in California and begin your second marriage in the best way possible.
Services offered at the Relationship Therapy Center
Our Sacramento area counseling clinics located in Roseville and Fair Oaks, CA are pleased to offer a variety of mental health services. Our couples services include: Couples Counseling, Counseling after infidelity, sex therapy, co-parent counseling, family therapy, divorce counseling, intensive couples retreats, and premarital counseling. Our individual therapy services include anxiety treatment, therapy for children, teen therapy, depression treatment, codependency counseling and individual relationship counseling. Our therapists offer online counseling in California to treat a variety of mental health concerns. Please reach out to our Sacramento area therapy office to learn more about the many ways we can help you or your loved ones.