It’s fun to fall in love. Some might even say it’s easy. It’s the stuff movies are made about. But it’s the staying in love that we see less often on the big screen. And it’s the staying in love that we’re talking about today. Because while happy, long-term relationships are without doubt wonderful and rewarding, they also require commitment, work and intentionality… especially if you want to keep that spark alive.
Couples in happy, long-term relationships “make it” because both partners care deeply about each other, but also because they make their love intentional. The feelings of “being in love” can change over time from butterflies and fireworks to comfort and companionship. But in any season, what separates a romantic relationship from other relationships or friendships, is the passion and connection that two partners share. As you can imagine, it’s incredibly important to learn as much about this connection as possible and to regularly create rituals of connection with your partner.
According to Buddist psychologist and sex therapist Dr. Cheryl Fraser, there are three things that couples who are happy together long-term have learned to cultivate. Dr. Fraser calls these the The Three Keys to Passion and they are all things that can be practiced and intentionally created together on a regular basis. So, let’s get right to it. The three components of creating passion in a relationship are as follows.
The first key to creating passion is intimacy, (which doesn’t just mean physical intimacy)
Intimacy between two people comes from emotional and psychological connection and is deeply tied to communication. Intimacy is created from deep conversations, from resolving conflict together, as a team, and from talking about hopes, dreams, fears and insecurities. Dr. John Gottman of The Gottman Institute calls this key “marital friendship”.
The second key to creating passion is thrill
Thrill is the exciting, nervous, amazing feelings you had when first falling in love. After years together, creating thrill in a relationship can be challenging, but the key is to go to new places together and have new experiences together. Get creative. Spice it up. Creating thrill is the key to making your partner feel wanted and desired and the key to your feeling wanted and desired.
The third and final key to creating passion is sensuality
Sensuality is the secret sauce to a strong relationship, but after years together, sensuality and sexuality are often missing. Because sensuality is such an essential part of being happy together long-term, and because sensuality is what sets a romantic relationship apart from other relationships, it’s vital that long-term couples be intentional about creating sexuality and eroticism together. This can be done with long kisses goodbye, with erotic massages, and from knowing that you will make love regularly not because you are always incredibly turned on, but because you love each other and understand that physical intimacy is an important part of your relationship.
At The Relationship Therapy Center, in Roseville and Fair Oaks, CA, the message we want to leave you with today is that no matter where you are in your relationship or how many years you have been together, it is never too late to begin again. There are countless resources available to you to help you through. If you want help rebuilding your connection and working through barriers to communication and intimacy, our specially trained couples therapists are here to help. Contact us to book your first appointment today.
Join Us For a Couples Retreat in California
You don’t have to grow distant from your partner. Our caring therapists would be happy to talk to you about cultivating your connection with a private couples retreat in California. Our Sacramento area counseling practice is ready to help you create stronger bonds. To start a couples retreat in California, please follow these steps:
Contact our counseling office for more information
Meet with one of our caring therapists
Start your couples retreat and reconnect with your partner!
Other Services offered at The Relationship Therapy Center in California:
In addition to couples counseling, Our Sacramento area counseling clinics located in Roseville and Fair Oaks, CA are pleased to offer a variety of mental health services. Our couples services include: Couples Counseling, Counseling after infidelity, sex therapy, co-parent counseling, family therapy, divorce counseling, intensive couples retreats, and premarital counseling. Our individual therapy services include anxiety treatment, therapy for children, teen therapy, depression treatment, codependency counseling and individual relationship counseling. Our therapists offer online counseling in California to treat a variety of mental health concerns. Please reach out to our Sacramento area therapy office to learn more about the many ways we can help you or your loved ones.