There’s nothing better.
You’re so connected.
Time ceases to exist when you’re with them.
Your senses are heightened; you can’t stop thinking about them. Everything that happens in your day seems more special because you can’t wait to share it with them later.
And then slowly, so you’re not totally aware, it happens. That rush, that initial infatuation disappears.
Those initial feelings were boosted by dopamine and norepinephrine, essentially a chemical high. Many mistake the abundant chemicals produced during the falling-for-someone process as the feeling of love itself, and become concerned or disheartened as it fades.
Romance novels and happily ever after Hollywood movies capitalize on the, ‘can’t keep our hands off one another’ phase of the relationship, and ultimately, this may do more harm than good.
See, we’re not really taught how to have real intimacy – what that looks like – and how damaging it can be to a relationship if we’re not actively working on cultivating and maintaining it.
We aren’t taught how to access the other, deeper, richer, and more rewarding parts of a relationship. We don’t learn that, once the initial chemicals start to wear off, you get a chance to develop real love. Real connection.
Finding true intimacy together not only sets you up for success, you also get the bonus of having a supportive partner who’s rooting for you. Someone you can rely on as you navigate life together.
If you feel you’re lacking intimacy, keep reading. The information here is relevant to everyone, whether it’s a new relationship, or you’ve been together for years.
Here are 3 steps that lead to real intimacy.
Step 1 – Communication:
Being able to communicate openly and honestly is key. Intimacy comes through sharing yourself with someone else.
Be present, and listen. It can be tricky when your brain is flooded with thoughts and things you want to say to hear what your partner is telling you.
Dr. Gottman recommends that couples find 20 minutes a day to talk with each other, face to face. No set agenda, just a chance to connect, laugh… share what’s on each other’s minds.
Most of us lead such busy lives, that if you don’t make time and intentionally schedule the important things, they won’t happen.
Keep in mind:
Your partner is not a mind reader
If something is bothering you, talk about it. Resist the urge to sweep it under the rug
An often-overlooked component of communication involves being honest with yourself, too
Step 2 – Connection:
Connection comes through shared experiences. It’s a challenge to lead separate lives, yet still remain connected. With busy workdays and responsibilities, making the time to do something fun or relaxing together can feel like one more thing.
One way to find time is to combine it with something else you enjoy. If you like to exercise, why not go on a hike together? Pack a picnic, and enjoy your time exploring nature. Or, go for a stroll together in a fun area of your city.
Pick something you both enjoy
Doing something that’s not part of the everyday routine can help you lighten up, find a new perspective, and through shared experience have something to connect over. Discovering new aspects of yourself and partner in the process.
Step 3 – Sexual Intimacy
Sexual intimacy is something that’s unique to your relationship, something special the two of you share with each other, and no one else.
When you’ve learned how to communicate and connect openly, it is much easier to connect deeply with one another intimately, through touch. Sexual intimacy unites the two of you in an extremely powerful way.
Massage or other touching are forms of intimacy
Focus on enjoying and being present with one another
When all of these areas are attended to, they fuel one another, keep each other going in this cycle of intimacy.
If you would like a jump start on this, or feel as though you and your partner could benefit from some guidance, we are here to help. The Relationship Therapy Center has two convenient locations, and we offer online sessions too.
Our therapists are here to help you and your partner discover how to have deeply fulfilling and lasting intimacy in your relationship, now and for the rest of your life.
Begin Sex Therapy in the Sacramento Area:
If you are ready to regain intimacy in your relationship, sex therapy at The Relationship Therapy Center can help. Our compassionate therapists want to help you and your partner feel comfortable being passionate with each other again. We are here to help support you in your relationship journey. To begin sex therapy at our counseling clinic in the Sacramento, CA area or online, please follow these steps:
1. Contact our therapy center to learn more about sex therapy,
2. Make an appointment with one of our Gottman trained sex therapists
3. Find healing in your relationship and regain intimacy with your loved one.
Other Services offered at The Relationship Therapy Center in California:
In addition to sex therapy, Our Sacramento area counseling clinics located in Roseville and Fair Oaks, CA are pleased to offer a variety of counseling services. Our Sacramento area counseling clinics located in Roseville and Fair Oaks, CA are pleased to offer a variety of mental health services. Our couples services include: Couples Counseling, Counseling after infidelity, sex therapy, co-parent counseling, family therapy, divorce counseling, intensive couples retreats, and premarital counseling. Our individual therapy services include anxiety treatment, therapy for children, teen therapy, depression treatment, codependency counseling and individual relationship counseling. Our therapists offer online counseling in California to treat a variety of mental health concerns. Please reach out to our Sacramento area therapy office to learn more about the many ways we can help you or your loved ones.