When the two of you met, you felt it. It was powerful, magnetic. Your eyes locked, and everyone else at the party disappeared into the periphery. 

You chatted for hours that night, and he wouldn’t let you leave without getting your number first.

In the early stages of dating, emotional unavailability can be hard to pinpoint. You’re imbued in the deliciousness of newness. There’s no shared history at this point; it’s fun and light as you get to know and obsess over one another.

Now you’ve been seeing each other for a while. You’re still hooked, and you think he is too. But you’re not totally sure. 

He’s not as responsive. Also, when you confronted him about something, he got really mad and refused to talk it through. It blew over without being resolved, and you’re afraid to bring it up again, so you don’t. 

If you’ve been experiencing feelings or other things that are a little off, that you can’t quite figure out, you could be dealing with an emotionally unavailable partner.

We’ve got some signs to look out for. And if they are emotionally unavailable, a way to overcome it.

Are You Both Emotionally Unavailable?

Ok, this one is big. It may not apply to you, but if it does, there’s no shame. 

Emotionally unavailable people tend to attract emotionally unavailable partners.

At its core, emotional unavailability is rooted in fear. Fear of being hurt, rejected, or abandoned. These wounds can often be traced to childhood, and emotional unavailability often stems from neglect, or a parent or caregiver who was also emotionally unavailable and inconsistent. 

People who dismiss their own feelings and needs are often emotionally unavailable. If painful feelings or things like trust and commitment make you uncomfortable, it could mean you’re also emotionally unavailable.

His Relationship History

If his relationship history is noncommittal, if he had a few casual flings here and there, it may indicate a fear of commitment and emotional unavailability. This is not to say that everyone who’s been single for a while is emotionally unavailable; there are other things in life that require focus and attention, such as school, career, and working on the relationship with self. 

However, some patterns are deeply programmed, and without introspection and work can be hard to break.

Smooth Sailing on the Surface

In a healthy relationship, neither partner should shy away from vulnerability. To achieve this, both must be open to sharing who they are and how they feel. 

If something bothers you, you should be able to share it, talk about it, find a solution. If you’re silenced, met with resistance or anger, or feel as though you can’t discuss the real things, it could be because you’re with an emotionally unavailable man. 

The Relationship Feels Stagnant

If your relationship has morphed into Groundhog Day, where all he wants to do is watch TV, and you realize that even though everything is so predictable he still feels like a stranger, it could be that he’s emotionally unavailable. 

Those who are emotionally unavailable tend to shy away from growth. Growth is challenging, painful at times, and dredges up feelings and things that are beyond our control. Which is why those who are emotionally unavailable tend to find a “safer” way to exist, which requires minimal effort or growth.

There’s No Real Closeness

Do you know how they’re feeling? Do they share how they’re feeling? Do they take your needs into consideration? Are they even able to understand and meet your needs?

These are big questions to ask, and if the answer is no, it could be because your partner is emotionally distant or unavailable. 


The first step to healing is to recognize the problem. If you or your partner is emotionally unavailable, the best way to change is to be open to healing, knowing that it requires vulnerability, tears, unpleasant feelings… all the things emotionally unavailable people hide from. 

Healing is possible, and therapy is an excellent way to realign and reconnect. 

At the Relationship Therapy Center, our goal is to strengthen each of your relationships. This starts with the relationship to self. If you or your partner are struggling, give us a call. Healing and allowing yourself to be yourself is one of the most empowering life changing decisions you can make, one that relieves you of the burden of the past, so you have more room for good things in the future.

Begin Relationship Therapy for One in Roseville, CA or Fair Oaks, CA:

If you are ready to make lasting changes in your life to strengthen your relationships with others, we can help! Our therapists are trained to provide relationship therapy for one for adults living in the Sacramento Area or online in the state of California. You can begin relationship therapy for one in Fair Oaks, CA or Roseville, CA by following these easy steps:

Other Services Offered at The Relationship Therapy Center:

In addition to relationship therapy for one, Our Sacramento area counseling clinics located in Roseville and Fair Oaks, CA are pleased to offer a variety of mental health services. Our couples services include: Couples Counseling, Counseling after infidelity, sex therapy, co-parent counseling, family therapy, divorce counseling, intensive couples retreats, and premarital counseling. Our individual therapy services include anxiety treatment, therapy for children, teen therapy, depression treatment, codependency counseling and individual relationship counseling. Our therapists offer online counseling in California to treat a variety of mental health concerns. Please reach out to our Sacramento area therapy office to learn more about the many ways we can help you or your loved ones.