Red Flags are really easy to spot.
That is, when the red flags are happening in someone else’s relationship.
When it comes to our own, it can get complicated.
Some red flags aren’t always apparent at the onset, as people tend to be on their best behavior. Then, as you continue to see that person over time, your feelings get involved. You may find you’re more inclined to ignore or make excuses for bad behavior.
Or think they’ll change.
I’m sure you’ve experienced the challenge of battling yourself when dating someone new. It’s a hard place to be when your head is telling you one thing, and your heart is telling you another. Breaking up; doing what’s best for you, is challenging when your head’s telling you to leave, and your hearts determined not to. Plus, you’re already somewhat invested, and they have good qualities too…
If you’re wondering about some of the behaviors the person you’re dating is exhibiting, and are not sure if they could be considered red flags, keep reading.
7 Common Red Flags:
1. Control
If the person you’re dating reveals any controlling behavior, this is a red flag. For example, if they demand that you change your outfit because they don’t like what you’re wearing, or if doing something that they don’t want to do causes friction, so you find yourself going along with them and their agenda, this is an example of controlling behavior.
2. They don’t respect your boundaries
If someone disrespects your boundaries, they are essentially indicating that they don’t respect you, and that their desires and feelings are more important than yours. The does not equal a healthy, mutually beneficial relationship.
3. They’re not trustworthy – they leave you hanging
Do they promise they’ll call you, then don’t? Do they say they want to do something on a specific day and flake? Have you caught them in a lie, or feel as though there’s something they’re not telling you? These are all indicators of red flags.
4. They hurt you
If someone hurts you intentionally, and keeps doing it even after you’ve repeatedly asked them to stop, this is your sign to leave. Nobody deserves to be treated unkindly, especially when they’ve been told not to.
5. Your friends don’t like them
Friends, especially those who know you well and you have history with, are excellent sounding boards. They can offer advice not clouded by emotion, and shed clarity on a situation. If they don’t like the person you’re dating, it’s worth at least listening to their concerns.
6. They’re jealous
A small amount of jealousy isn’t the end of the world, especially if they’re able to share why something makes them feel insecure. However, excessive jealousy is problematic, especially when it results in you modifying your everyday behavior.
7. They have substance abuse issues
If you discover the person you’re dating has substance abuse issues, this is a red flag. Their addiction will likely come between the two of you; as any addiction interferes with a person’s relationship with themselves. Substance abuse is serious, can consume people’s lives, and in some cases can even be fatal.
These are a few common red flags. If there is anything additional happening in your relationship that makes you feel uncomfortable, it is worth evaluating.
One of the most self-empowering things you can do if you find yourself having a hard time walking away from someone, despite red flags, is to find a therapist.
If you find yourself chronically choosing the wrong partner, therapy can break that cycle. With the assistance of a clinician, you learn how your past may have shaped you, and how some beliefs you may have about yourself and self-worth may actually be harming you, or allowing you to put up with things that may be hurting you.
If you’re struggling, call our office for a free 15-minute consultation.
Our therapists at the Relationship Therapy Center help you figure out beliefs you may have about yourself, others, love and relationships in general. They help you untangle past trauma that may be adversely affecting your love life, and influencing your current choice of partner.
A therapist can help you create a clear picture of what you need in a relationship, saving you from the time and heartbreak that would inevitably happen if you were to continue as you were.
Begin Relationship Therapy for One in Roseville, CA or Fair Oaks, CA:
If you are ready to make lasting changes in your life to strengthen your relationships with others, we can help! Our therapists are trained to provide relationship therapy for one for adults living in the Sacramento Area or online in the state of California. You can begin relationship therapy for one in Fair Oaks, CA or Roseville, CA by following these easy steps:
-
1. Contact the Relationship Therapy Center to schedule a free 20-minute phone consultation and learn more about relationship therapy for one
-
2. Meet with one of our relationship therapists
-
3. Begin relationship therapy for one and work on the skills you need to have meaningful and healthy relationships.
Other Services Offered at The Relationship Therapy Center:
In addition to relationship therapy for one, Our Sacramento area counseling clinics located in Roseville and Fair Oaks, CA are pleased to offer a variety of mental health services. Our couples services include: Couples Counseling, Counseling after infidelity, sex therapy, co-parent counseling, family therapy, divorce counseling, intensive couples retreats, and premarital counseling. Our individual therapy services include anxiety treatment, therapy for children, teen therapy, depression treatment, codependency counseling and individual relationship counseling. Our therapists offer online counseling in California to treat a variety of mental health concerns. Please reach out to our Sacramento area therapy office to learn more about the many ways we can help you or your loved ones.