Therapist for Childhood Emotional Neglect

One of the trickiest things about being emotionally neglected as a child is recognizing that it happened to you.

Kids who grew up with distant or dismissive parents or caretakers usually don’t know any different. If the abuse or neglect wasn’t overt or obvious, it’s easier for the wounds to remain undetected.

Here, we’ll look at what emotional neglect in childhood is. We’ll briefly touch on how it may have affected you, and then we’ll get to the good part: what you can do about it.

What is childhood emotional neglect?

As a child, you lack the framework, context, and overall life experience to be able to process and understand emotions. This is where the parent or caretaker steps in. They validate you by understanding your experience as a child.  They help you identify and connect with your feelings. They give you permission to feel your feelings, and when things are tough, they’re there to reassure you that it will get better.

In a nutshell, they help you identify and appropriately express your “inner landscape.”

Of course, not every parent or caretaker understands this—likely because they did not receive proper emotional support as a child themselves. Many invalidate their children’s feelings. Do you remember hearing, “Oh, you don’t feel that way; you love your friend Susie,” after a day when you came home angry or something like that? They punish or ignore their children when they’re crying or distressed. They act cold and distant or even “too busy”  while their child yearns for connection.

As you can imagine, this sends a pretty clear message: feelings are dangerous, they lead to trouble, and it’s best to suppress them.

How does being emotionally neglected as a child affect people in adulthood?

A child who has learned to dismiss their feelings grows into an adult who is disconnected from their feelings, and consequently, themself.

They may feel numb or have trouble pinpointing what they feel, and they often become stuck.

It’s common for adults who were emotionally neglected as kids to have low self-esteem, use unhealthy means to cope, and overextend themselves through prolific people-pleasing. Many have trouble choosing a path or making choices that feel in alignment with who they are, since they lack the full context of who they are.

They often struggle in relationships as well, since one of the primary components of romantic connection involves being emotionally aware.

How can I heal from childhood emotional neglect?

Healing from being emotionally neglected as a child involves reacquainting yourself with yourself, your feelings, and your needs. Identifying the sensations you feel in your body and learning their names.  It’s not always about doing things for the other person, but pausing and checking in with yourself and asking, “What do I need in this situation?”

Taking the time to develop emotional awareness is a good place to start; practice naming and sitting with your feelings instead of rushing to distract yourself.

Another important aspect of healing is silencing the inner critic. If you have a voice inside your head that is constantly criticizing everything you do, challenge it. When we start paying attention, we say things to ourselves that we wouldn’t say to a friend. Practice patience and self-compassion. A way to do that is to say, ” Ahh, that’s not very nice. I am trying” 

Of course, this is easier said than done, and finding a professional who can help is the best way to repair the damage.

Deep, impactful healing is possible when you seek help from a skilled therapist. Your therapist will help you reframe past experiences, teach you to enforce boundaries, and help you understand that you are worthy of kindness and compassion.

If this sounds like something you could benefit from, please reach out. At the Relationship Therapy Center, we love nothing more than helping people connect with themselves and watching them thrive as a result. It helps people lives more joyous lives and improves all their relationships.

Begin Individual Therapy in the Sacramento Area

Individual therapy provides many benefits for both your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. From handling challenging life events to learning to live with ongoing mental health issues to simply getting help with everyday stress, seeking counseling can help you live your best life.

If you are ready to start individual therapy, we have a variety of exceptional therapists ready to help you. Take a look at their bios and if you would like to schedule a free 15-minute consultation, give us a call.

Other Services Offered at The Relationship Therapy Center in California:

In addition to Individual therapy for adults our Sacramento area counseling clinics located in Roseville, Davis and Fair Oaks, CA are pleased to offer a variety of mental health services. Our couples services include: Counseling after infidelity, sex therapy, co-parent counseling, family therapy, divorce counseling, intensive couples retreats, and premarital counseling. Our individual therapy services include, therapy for children, teen therapy, depression treatment, and individual relationship counseling. Our therapists offer online counseling in California to treat a variety of mental health concerns. Please reach out to our Sacramento area therapy office to learn more about the many ways we can help you or your loved ones heal and grow.