A punch in the gut doesn’t even come close.
A punch in the gut doesn’t crush your heart, your world, make you spiral down deep into the abyss – questioning your reality – “what else did they lie about?”
To discover your partner was unfaithful is a shock. It can be catastrophically destructive, both to the relationship itself, and to the party who was betrayed, you.
Here’s a list of top mistakes people make after the affair, both individually and as a couple.
There is one aspect that needs to be remedied immediately by the person who was cheated on.
It’s this: what you make the infidelity mean about yourself.
Make no mistake about it, this is not a reflection of who you are as a person. People with fragile self-esteem, can take infidelity to mean, “See? You’re not good enough. If you were, they wouldn’t have cheated.” Or some other, equally untrue thought.
It is vital that you do not take this on; do not let someone else’s transgression impact the way you see yourself. Infidelity is hard enough to deal with without making it mean something about you.
Another mistake couples make is when they try to work through the damaging effects of infidelity alone, without seeking help from a therapist or other licensed professional.
Can you imagine being severely burned, and rather than pursuing medical attention, you tried to do your own skin grafts? Would anyone think about scouring Google and YouTube for tutorials, while yelping in pain?
There are all sorts of feelings and emotions that come up after an affair. These emotions run all over the place, and it can be exhausting and confusing when you’re at the center of it, trying to feel or deal with them all, and figure out what happens next.
Find a therapist who can help you navigate through this; you don’t have to face it alone.
Sweeping it under the rug, pretending it didn’t happen, or otherwise shoving it into the past and boldly trying to move on, doesn’t work.
Our feelings aren’t always controllable. Trying to shove them away is a recipe for disaster, and individuals who seek to cope in that manner are setting themselves up for failure. They’re effectively telling themselves that their feelings don’t matter – they don’t matter.
What happens after the affair, the decision to stay together and work through it or to go separate ways, is hugely impactful, especially if there are kids involved.
The resulting pain and betrayal are traumatic, and forgiveness doesn’t always come easily. A therapist will help with the healing process, and make sure that nothing is covered over and left to fester.
After a betrayal, you’re likely to feel crushed, and confused, and your mind and emotions may be a little out of control and all over the place. You may feel strongly about doing one thing, and the next moment you’re flooded with anger or images of the two of them you can’t shake, and change your mind.
A good therapist is there to support and help anchor you. At the Relationship Therapy Center, we’ve worked with people who have experienced infidelity, both as couples and as individuals. We are invested in you; empowering you to live a happy and meaningful life. Life comes with challenges, and we’re here to help you face them. There’s no doubt about it, it takes bravery and courage. But we’re here with you. We believe in you, and will support you each step of the way.
Begin Infidelity Counseling in the Sacramento Area:
If you are ready to learn how to deal with the problems in your relationship, the therapists at The Relationship Therapy Center in Fair Oaks, CA, and Roseville, CA can help! Our therapists are ready to support you and your partner in your journey toward creating a healthy and happy relationship. To begin counseling in the Sacramento, CA area, please follow these three simple steps:
Contact our counseling office to get more information about infidelity counseling and to schedule a free consultation
Make an appointment with one of our relationship therapists
Find support and healing after an affair.
Other Services offered at The Relationship Therapy Center:
In addition to infidelity counseling, Our Sacramento area counseling clinics located in Roseville and Fair Oaks, CA are pleased to offer a variety of mental health services. Our couples services include: Couples Counseling, Counseling after infidelity, sex therapy, co-parent counseling, family therapy, divorce counseling, intensive couples retreats, and premarital counseling. Our individual therapy services include anxiety treatment, therapy for children, teen therapy, depression treatment, codependency counseling and individual relationship counseling. Our therapists offer online counseling in California to treat a variety of mental health concerns. Please reach out to our Sacramento area therapy office to learn more about the many ways we can help you or your loved ones.