Let’s start off with this: what to not do. 

In fact, let this be shouted from the rooftops. Do not quickly jump right back into a relationship, before you’re ready – before you’re healed.

It’s a somewhat cruel fact of life – we are only aware of what we’re aware of. 

Our wounds and trauma have a huge impact on our choices. They impact our emotions, and guide much of our behavior. If we make a move into something before we’re aware of what those wounds are – or how they influence our choices – before we’ve had a chance to work through them, we are much more likely to repeat the same mistakes, over and over. 

It takes some people decades before they figure this out.

Others never do.

Here are 3 things you must do before your next relationship:

1. Get Clear: What Are You Looking For?

You’d be surprised how many people either don’t make a point to list the characteristics of their ideal partner, or only focus on the superficial ones. 

This is problematic. 


Because the initial dating, getting to know one another, falling for one another… comes with a huge boost of oxytocin, i.e., the love hormone. 

As it floods your system, you feel that warm, fuzzy feeling, and your stress levels go down. 

Every text, every interaction with the new person is laced with that potent drug, clouding your better judgment. 

Red flags get dismissed, after all. If it was that bad, why do we feel so good?

As the relationship progresses, moves past the initial infatuation and honeymoon stages, many run smack into incompatibilities, differences in goals, and other bumps in the relationship road.  

2. Get Clear: Where Are You Going?

The best part of being single is you get to focus on you. You have this chance to clearly take inventory of your life, think about the goals and dreams you have, the career you want to pursue, or the kids you dream of raising. 

If you are a single parent, you get the opportunity to think about what kind of role model you’d like for your kids. And, what adventures and experiences you’d like to have with someone when your young’uns have moved out.

Be as clear as you can with your desires. Write them down. Take steps in their direction. It is so easy for our dreams to get buried under the mess of the everyday. If we don’t take the time to declutter the gems and precious things inside ourselves, they get dingy and dusty, buried under the mounds of paperwork.

When we don’t take the time to get to know ourselves, accept ourselves, take a chance on our dreams, it becomes so much easier to let someone else’s dream take precedence, or simply do nothing at all. 

3. Understand: You are Enough 

This is true for everyone. You are enough. You do not need a partner in order to live a rich and fulfilling life. 

It’s challenging when everyone seems to be in a happy relationship. It’s challenging when society would have you believe that to not have a partner means there’s something wrong with you or your life.

But as you continue to invest in yourself, get to know, trust and enjoy yourself, you not only experience life more authentically, but when you do start to look for a partner again, you will do so with a deeper knowledge of what you’re looking for. You’ll find a partner not because you need them, but because they are special enough that their qualities enhance your life.

If you find yourself in a position where you feel stuck, lost, or unsure, therapy can help. At the Relationship Therapy Center, it’s no secret what we focus on. 

We strongly believe the most important relationship we have is the relationship we have to ourselves. If it’s fractured, unhealthy, or abusive, our relationships to others (from the way we treat them to what we expect from them) suffers as a result. 

If you’re curious about therapy, we’d love to hear from you. Give us a call, we’re always happy to hear how we can help.

Begin Relationship Therapy for One in Roseville, CA or Fair Oaks, CA:

If you are ready to make lasting changes in your life to strengthen your relationships with others, we can help! Our therapists are trained to provide relationship therapy for one for adults living in the Sacramento Area or online in the state of California. You can begin relationship therapy for one in Fair Oaks, CA or Roseville, CA by following these easy steps: 

  • Contact the Relationship Therapy Center to schedule a free 20-minute phone consultation and learn more about relationship therapy for one

  • Meet with one of our therapists

  • Begin relationship therapy for one and work on the skills you need to have meaningful and healthy relationships.

Other Services offered at The Relationship Therapy Center:

In addition to relationship therapy for one, Our Sacramento area counseling clinics located in Roseville and Fair Oaks, CA are pleased to offer a variety of mental health services. Our couples services include: Couples Counseling, Counseling after infidelity, sex therapy, co-parent counseling, family therapy, divorce counseling, intensive couples retreats, and premarital counseling. Our individual therapy services include anxiety treatment, therapy for children, teen therapy, depression treatment, codependency counseling and individual relationship counseling. Our therapists offer online counseling in California to treat a variety of mental health concerns. Please reach out to our Sacramento area therapy office to learn more about the many ways we can help you or your loved ones.