When standing next to your partner feels lonelier than standing by yourself.
Your relationship is on a drastic downward slide. The signs are everywhere. Lack of communication. Loss of interest in sex. No physical interactions. Loneliness. Confusion. Questions with no answers. Angry words. Or worse, no words at all.
Once a team, you find you and your partner are no longer one single force to be reckoned with. So why is it that you are the only one who notices? Feels this? Acknowledges it? Is affected by this? After trying on timeless accounts to communicate, empty promises to “work on things” and a continual cycle of emotional and psychological pain, you feel as though you are going crazy, climbing the walls just to escape the suffocation. Going back to the same situation time and time again, expecting a different result, only to find nothing at all changes. Not one thing. The definition of insanity.
You have tried relationship counseling, but your partner does not show up, puts little to no effort forth and has seemingly moved on. That is when you know your reality. Acknowledging the your epiphany that you have always known but are finally ready to see. The only thing that you can change is how you interact and react with your partner. The only thing you can control in your relationship, is you.
Self-care and wellness
If you find yourself in a one-person relationship, seeking a therapist for yourself is how you can move through, past and ahead of your current situation. A relationship therapist will listen to you, your feelings, your questions and guide you towards the answers and peace of mind to put closure to the pain. That may be moving on. It may feel scary, a more frightening thought than you find seemingly impossible to do. Or, it may mean staying in your current situation and determining what you can and can’t, will and will not deal with. Ask yourself this: does staying in the relationship feel worse than the work it would take to be out of the situation? Guess who gets to make that decision, gets to take control your destiny? That person, is you. Your therapist is not there to give you definite answers. They are there to help you find the answers within yourself.
A good relationship therapist will help you find ways to find comfort and confidence. Some suggestions may include: yoga, meditation, joining support groups or finding new activities to be involved with. While every therapist has their own way to guide and every situation is different, you will have someone there to talk through things, who will not be judgemental or give advice based upon their own experiences. This sometimes happens when family and friends give opinions. While they may mean well (or not), talking with too many people only looks like you are trying to justify how you are feeling or what you are doing. Or as they say, too many cooks in the kitchen.
Finding a relationship therapist for yourself is beneficial and necessary to your personal, mental and emotional well-being. It is nothing to be embarrassed about. Nothing to be ashamed of. It shows strength in you. Strength in what you are worthy of and deserve. Strength in numbers. Even if that number is one.
We have male and female relationship therapist here to help. Click on the bios and see if you might be a fit for one of us. When you are ready to make an appointment, you can call 916-426-2757 or Click Here
Rob Evans, LMFT, LPCC is a psychotherapist with over 25 years experience helping men, women, families and couples improve their relationships with themselves and those around him in the Fair Oaks, CA area.