Jealousy in a relationship is a yucky experience for all involved.
Those on the receiving end usually get ambushed with outlandish accusations, and find themselves needing to prove their devotion again and again.
For those with jealousy issues, it’s unpleasant and all-consuming. It hijacks your brain. You behave in ways you later regret and just feel… awful.
If this is something that happens to you, here are some ideas on how to overcome jealousy.
What Leads to People Feeling Jealous?
Jealousy is rooted in a fear of abandonment and not being good enough. It highlights deep seated insecurity. At its core, it’s the worry that someone or something better will come along. The jealous feelings are a reaction to not wanting to end up rejected and alone.
What are Some Ways to Stop Jealousy in a Relationship?
First and foremost, it’s important that you and your spouse communicate well.
It’s also worth a quick mention that jealousy is not always unfounded. For example, if there’s overt flirting going on between your partner and someone else, jealousy is a normal reaction. The flirtatious behavior warrants a discussion about boundaries.
If jealousy stems from broken trust within the relationship, the only real chance of making it work is couples therapy for jealousy.
Couples therapy can also help if your other half doesn’t understand why you’re jealous.
If jealousy stems from issues relating to your own self-worth, it’s important that your spouse understands that it’s your issue, and you’re working on it. Again, the best way to ditch those deep-seated insecurities is through therapy.
Here are some other ways to help reduce jealousy in a relationship:
- Identify where it’s coming from. It could be related self-esteem issues, unmet needs in the relationship, etc.
- Identify the trigger. This could be a person, a situation, or it could just be a certain thought that gets you worked up.
- Communicate how you feel. This can be incredibly challenging; vulnerability is scary. Many people would rather play it “cool,” pretend they’re not bothered, and then end up blowing up over it later. If this step seems too overwhelming, therapy will help.
- Learn how to manage the intense emotions that often accompany jealousy, and not act impulsively. Try to remain rational and be discerning.
Remember, it’s okay to seek help if needed. The sooner you learn how to manage, the better your life will be.
Is There Treatment for Jealousy?
Yes, overcoming jealousy is possible!
Yet because jealousy is often complex and requires a deep honest look at oneself, if you experience jealousy, it’s important you are willing to be both honest and vulnerable.
The journey towards healing is made a little easier when you understand that you are good enough, just as you are. Your worth is not determined by anyone else. If you struggle with self-love and self-acceptance, a therapist will help. They will help you access and topple the barriers that prevent you from seeing how incredible you are.
A therapist will get you to understand that other people’s actions have nothing to do with you. You are not responsible for them, and their transgressions have nothing to do with how thin, pretty, successful, or young you are.
With the help of a therapist, you can learn how to manage the intense emotional triggers brought on by jealousy. You can learn how to reduce jealousy in your relationship, and how to stop jealousy from ruining your relationship. If this is something you think you could benefit from, we’d love to hear from you.
Nancy Ryan is a licensed marriage and family therapist and Director of Relationship Therapy Center in the Sacramento area including Roseville, CA and Fair Oaks, CA. We have been helping couples and families for the last 12 years improve their relationships.
One of our therapists at our group practice, Heidi Marcoux, LMFT works specifically with jealousy in relationships using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Gottman Method Couples Counseling online in California as well as online in Washington.
Begin Couples Counseling in the Sacramento Area:
If you are ready to learn how to deal with the problems in your relationship, the therapists at The Relationship Therapy Center in Fair Oaks, CA and Roseville, CA can help! Our therapists are ready to support you and your partner in your journey towards creating a healthy and happy relationship. To begin marriage counseling in Roseville, CA area, or marriage counseling in Fair Oaks, please follow these three simple steps:
- Contact our counseling office to get more information about couples counseling and to schedule a free consultation.
- Make an appointment with one of our Gottman Method trained therapists.
- Find support and healing in your relationship!
Other Services Offered at The Relationship Therapy Center in California:
In addition to couples counseling, Our Sacramento area counseling clinics located in Roseville and Fair Oaks, CA are pleased to offer a variety of mental health services. Our couples counseling services include: Counseling after infidelity, sex therapy, co-parent counseling, family therapy, divorce counseling, couples therapy retreats, and premarital counseling. Our individual therapy services include, anxiety treatment, trauma therapy, teen therapy, therapy for children, codependency counseling, depression treatment, and individual relationship counseling. We also offer online counseling to California residents. Please contact our office to learn more about the many ways we can help you and your loved ones.