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How to Recognize Red Flags When Dating
Ah, the dating pool. A chaotic confusing place full of mixed messages and red flags.
The optimist in us believes red flags are easy to spot, yet that’s typically not how it works. It’s easy to see them in other people’s relationships, sure. It’s just way more challenging to perceive them in our own.
So, to ensure you don’t become so distracted and hyper fixated on someone that you miss all their red flags—or worse, see the red flags and hastily try and paint them white—it’s important to have a clear understanding of what they are.
Before getting into the red flags though, let’s briefly go over why you might miss them in the first place.
How to Recover from Narcissistic Abuse
Recovering from narcissistic abuse is complex. There can be multiple layers to the healing process, and a huge part of it involves forgiving yourself and reestablishing trust.
If the narcissistic abuse was endured during childhood, recovery can be even more complex. Especially if the perpetrator was a parent or primary caregiver.
Family members who live with a narcissist can describe their loved one as having controlling behavior, being very critical or superior, feeling entitled, can become enraged when they don’t get their own way, can neglect children and family members for their own gain, and be very manipulative. They might twist the facts, or use your own words against you to make you question your understanding of the situation, otherwise known as gaslighting.
If you are emerging on the other side of narcissistic abuse, here are some important tips that can help you heal.
What Does it Really Mean to be Narcissistic?
Today, the word narcissist is used to describe pretty much everyone. It is used casually because someone read something from the internet somewhere.
There’s that vapid attention seeker on your social media feed who’s constantly posting pictures of themselves—heavily filtered, let’s be real. There’s also your friend’s ex who jumped into a new relationship, days after dumping them.
But… are those people true narcissists?
Do they meet the clinical definition?
And are we able to diagnose them?
Hardly.
Let’s take a closer look.
Nine Common Myths of Therapy
Many who could benefit from therapy may still be avoiding it because of inaccurate preconceived notions.
For those who only know about therapy from what they’ve read in books or seen in movies, well—who can blame them for being hesitant?
Let’s peel back the curtain a little, shall we? It’s time to dispel some of the nine most common myths of therapy.
How to Gently Tell Someone They Need Therapy
It’s awful seeing a friend or loved one go through a tough time, especially when resources exist that could greatly reduce their suffering.
How to Gently Tell Someone They Need Therapy – If someone you care about could benefit from therapy but you’re unsure how to broach the subject with them, here are some ways to nudge them in the right direction.
How to Rebuild Trust After Infidelity
Trust After Infidelity – The emails, the texts, the lies. The brutal pain of betrayal and heartache that occurs after discovering your partner was unfaithful can be so massive, so all-encompassing, that it often feels as though the only way forward is divorce.
For some, that may be true. For others, well, life is complicated. There may be a lot of extenuating circumstances which ultimately make black and white decisions tricky.
Rebuilding trust after infidelity is possible. It’s not easy, but it is possible.
If you’re reeling after infidelity but want to explore all options before making any hasty decisions, this piece provides insight into reestablishing trust and healing after infidelity.
Am I Codependent?
Codependence is one of those things that doesn’t seem to be all that bad. In fact, people who exhibit codependent traits and characteristics are often well-liked ordinary functional members of society.
Things could be a lot worse, right?
What is Codependence?
Becoming entrenched in codependence strips people of their self-esteem and self-worth. It has them believe that the only way they can be worthy is to put others’ needs ahead of their own. It makes them feel responsible for other people’s moods, feelings, and behavior and leads them towards trying to “fix” problems that aren’t their problems to fix.
Find out what the signs of codependency are and if you are codependent.
What is Discernment Counseling?
What is Discernment Counseling? Life changing decisions are incredibly challenging to make, especially when it affects other people. And of these decisions, deciding whether or not to get a divorce is one of the biggest there is.
For those teetering on the brink, discernment counseling is a form of short-term therapy designed to help couples make their decision after weighing all the options. It’s particularly useful for situations where one half of the couple wants to try and work on the marriage, and the other just wants to get a divorce.
If you find yourself in this predicament, discernment counseling is an excellent way to make an informed decision and not have to live with regret. Here’s what it is, and how it can help.
Is Child Therapy Effective?
If your child is struggling with behavioral issues or has experienced a recent trauma or loss, early therapeutic intervention is one of the best ways to help them cope.
Countless studies show how incredibly devastating unresolved childhood trauma can be, and how it plays a huge part in holding people back and creating a myriad of problems in adulthood.
Unaddressed behavior issues in children can lead to devastating consequences later in life, and the sooner a child learns better ways of getting their needs met or processing something difficult, the better.
If you’re wondering if child therapy is effective and worth seeking out, here’s everything you need to know.
How to Complain Without Hurting Your Partner… or Your Relationship
If only every couple knew this. It’s the strategy employed by married people who, 25 years later, still can’t get enough of each other.
It’s knowing how to express how you feel without hurting your partner’s feelings or immediately putting them on the defense.
Here’s how it’s done.
How to Manage Stress and Anxiety
How to Manage Stress and Anxiety
The past few years have been a lot. The uncertainty. Inflation. Politics. That underlying thought of, what’s next?
Balancing all of that, PLUS daily life. Let’s just say, if you searched “how to handle stress,” or “how to stop a panic attack,” you’re definitely not alone.
While a little stress and anxiety some of the time is totally normal, if you’re constantly in that frame of mind, it can wreck you both physically and mentally.
If you’re currently in that state, here are some tips that can help. It’s worth noting right off the top: the best way to fully extinguish chronic stress and anxiety is through therapy. Having the support of a licensed clinician who helps you navigate is way more effective than trying to soldier through alone.
If you reside in Northern California, please. Reach out. We offer counseling in Roseville and Fair Oaks, and always love the opportunity to help people reclaim joy in life, and feel better overall.
Teen Mental Health: How to Know When Your Teen Needs Help
Here’s something you’ve said or thought, probably more than once:
I’m so glad I’m not a teenager in today’s world—I’m so glad social media wasn’t around when I was a teen!
Yet, if you’re a parent of a teen you likely still feel some of what they’re feeling—plus an added layer: powerless.
According to a 2023 study by the CDC, almost half of teens—42% felt persistent feelings of hopelessness in 2021.
It’s more important than ever to be aware of how these things can impact the swiftly changing teenage brain, and be on the lookout for signs that your teen needs help.
The truth is, we don’t know the long-term effects of technology and how it’s shaping our young people. It hasn’t been around enough to develop any studies that have any real longevity. And that—coupled with the pandemic—the disruption to schools, education, routine and the world at large, has had quite an impact on today’s teens.
How to Love Your Partner Using the 5 Love Languages
If you don’t know your partner’s love language, or worse—you know it, but you’re not “speaking” it—you’re missing out.
Love is an incredible thing, and understanding and nurturing your partner’s love language is an excellent way to make them feel appreciated, cared for, and of course: loved.
Whether new to the concept or are looking for a refresher, think of this as the ‘Rosetta Stone’ of love languages.
From defining the 5-types to tips on expressing each—and more—this is all about Love Languages
How Childhood Trauma Affects Adults
Kids don’t have a choice. They can’t simply pack up their belongings and leave a horrible situation. And rather than see the trauma or abuse for what it is, many adjust their inner world to try and explain it away, dismiss it, or make it “ok.”
Studies show that if left unchecked, the effects of a turbulent or trauma riddled upbringing have the capacity to haunt people for the rest of their life.
In addition, kids raised in unhappy homes are 40% more likely to have some type of cognitive impairment.
There are other less visible yet equally challenging wounds from childhood trauma such as self-esteem issues, relationship issues, and problems with self-regulation and self-soothing.
Let’s take a look at how the different types of childhood trauma—from mild to severe—has the capacity to hold us back… if we let it.
What is Attachment and How Does it Influence My Relationship?
You’ve just had another bad fight. Maybe, you spent the whole weekend fixated on your phone, and they never called or responded to your texts.
“It’s rude, disrespectful! You told me we should do something Saturday, and then…nothing!”
You were literally a bundle of nerves, hovering over your phone. You needed them to call—text—something with such intensity, you described it to your friend as though it were a drug and you needed a fix. When your friend called, you’d reached for your phone in relief, only to feel your stomach sink upon realizing it wasn’t who you were desperate to hear from…. Of course, you don’t tell your friend that part.
Have you ever experienced something like this? Something that you know is dysfunctional and toxic, yet you feel powerless against it? Where the intensity and desire for the person is so strong and all-consuming that it feels as though you must be soul mates?
If so, you’re likely caught up in a powerful force known as Attachment Theory.
Reach out to start your healing journey today