If you find that infidelity has- or is- affecting your marriage, seeking a therapist and couples therapy is where the repairation can begin.
Picture this. White brides dress and tuxedo of the groom, perfectly altered. The colors of the bridal party dresses and groomsmen tuxedos perfectly accented by colors of the flowers in bouquets and corsages, alike. The countless hours spent picking the perfect venue, invitations, music, food and guest list have all pulled together, perfectly. The day is here. Your wedding day. You are ready to say, I do, to a life you have envisioned with your spouse. Bells are ringing in perfect sync and your future is bright. But what happens after this picture-perfect day? You may be ready to handle any curve balls thrown your way, batting them out of the park together. As a couple. As one. But what happens if your happily ever after is met with infidelity? Wait. You didn’t sign up for this. What if your perfect plan turns out to be less than perfect? With a divorce rate at an all-time high with infidelity being the reported main cause, how do you avoid being a part of the higher percentage? Can you recover from your spouses infidelity? Is this marriage worth trying to save? If the answer is a resilient, yes, seeking couples therapy is the best place to begin.
Trust the process
While the process of couples therapy is contingent on each individual therapist, you can expect some general steps. Once a therapist has been decided on, a couple will meet together with the therapist to “tell their side” of the story, air grievances, yell, cry, blame and express any other emotions in a safe environment. The therapist makes sure that each person has a chance to talk, to keep things under control and to listen intently to each side, making no judgements and taking no sides. Once each person has expressed their feelings, the therapist will move on to helping to find what went wrong by studying the psychological and emotional dynamics that may have led to the infidelity.
Make the time
Without seeking couples therapy, sure, there is a chance that things with your spouse will be “just fine”. The stark reality is, it probably won’t be. Couples therapy takes commitment from both spouses, a joint determination that “we are going to give this our 100% effort- together”. Couples therapy also provides accountability for working on the emotional and psychological efforts and tracking. It is easy to distract from the uncomfortable, so having a therapist as “home base” gives couples a tangible. A therapist also gives each spouse a safe outlet to continue to express feelings, good and bad, to a third-party who is not involved with the couple on a daily basis. The therapist can give perspectives and insights that may otherwise be muddled underneath the heap of mixed emotions that you and your spouse are sorting through. Having a couples therapist also takes the pressure off of friends and family feeling the pressure to take sides.
While going through the couples therapy, the therapist will guide you and your spouse towards new and healthy ways to reconnect. But know going in, that couples therapy takes time. It is not something that can be magically fixed overnight, but with the right therapist- and the same goal with your spouse- you are on your way to remembering why you said, I do.
If you need help in recovering from an affair, betrayal or infidelity; Call us Today! 916-426-2757
Jennifer Hagar, LMFT
Jennifer Hagar, LMFT specializes in life transitions, including betrayals and trust issues in relationships, the challenges of having a blended family, going through a divorce and coparenting, as well as difficulties couples face in communication and conflict resolution. She also helps individuals facing difficulties with anxiety, depression, grief, and substance abuse with compassion, understanding, solutions and hope.