Drs. John and Julie Gottman are world-renowned for their research on marriage and relationships. After more than four decades of study, one thing they know for certain is that creating intimacy, both in and out of the bedroom, is easier said than done.  

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With the intention to help couples of all kinds create happier, healthier, more fulfilling and intimate relationships, the Gottman Institute has created an app called Card Decks. Whether you are newlyweds wanting to get to know each other better or have been together for years and are simply looking for more ways to stay connected, Card Decks has got you covered. 

We’ve taken a look at the three spice levels of the Salsa deck, which has cards specifically designed to help couples spice up their love life. We’ve chosen our favorites and summarized them below. Take a look for some of the ideas, suggestions, and inspirations the Gottman’s have to give your love life a little more spice.

Heat Level: Mild

  • Start the day with some quality time together. Turn off your phones, leave them in a drawer, and drink your morning coffee just the two of you.

  • Write your partner a note in the morning and slip it into his or her car, briefcase, or lunchbox. Whether you choose sexy or sweet, secret notes are a fantastic way to get your partner thinking pleasant thoughts about you during the day.

  • Have you ever heard of the Five Love Languages? Well, one of them is gift giving. Surprising your partner with a small gift or flowers when you come home at night shows them you were thinking of them during the day.

  • Share a sweet, soft, juicy kiss in the morning before you leave for the day. Nothing creates intimacy and desire quite like a good, long kiss.

  • Tell your partner three things you love about them each day for a week. Then, switch roles. This exercise increases gratitude and appreciation between partners, plus you’ll constantly be looking for things you love about each other. 

  • Go for an evening walk around the neighborhood. Hold hands. Don’t rush.


Heat Level: Medium

  • Explore new sexual positions. Take turns picking a new position and then give it a shot. Afterwards, discuss how it went, how it felt, and what you would change in the future.

  • Spend an hour touching and pleasing each other. The only rule: No intercourse.

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  • Wake up in the middle of the night just to make love.

  • Create a code word(s) for sex, like “doing homework” or “lighting candles”. Use it as often as possible. Bonus points if you can work it into conversations with others without them knowing!

  • Give your partner a sensual massage, use way too much oil, and then make love.

  • Go commando, and send your partner a sext during the day letting him or her know.


Heat Level: Spicy 

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  • Say “yes” to sexual adventures and step outside your routine, your bedroom, your house…

  • Spend an hour sharing sexual fantasies with one another. Then choose one to act out.

  • Have phone or video sex when one of you is at work or out of town.

  • Visit an adult sex store and buy a new toy together. Then, learn to use it together.

  • Invest in a large canvas and body paints. Create a work of art by making love on the canvas, covered in paint. Ask guests if they can guess how it was made.

  • Experiment with power. Take turns being the submissive and dominant partner in the bedroom.


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The Gottman Institute’s Card Decks app is full of ideas for creating intimacy and connection and is an excellent resource for spicing up your love life. 

Looking for more? Our staff at The Relationship Therapy Center is passionate about making professional, personal, and life-changing therapy available for couples and individuals alike. Schedule an appointment today!


Other Services offered at The Relationship Therapy Center in California:

In addition to couples therapy, Our Sacramento area counseling clinics located in Roseville and Fair Oaks, CA are pleased to offer a variety of mental health services. We will discuss the importance of self-care and emotional support to help you cope and to discover ways to find healthy ways of dealing with stress.   

Couples therapy can be beneficial, with the right therapist. Our compassionate therapists are trained to walk you through the process and help you find healing and peace. Please contact our therapy office to learn more about the many ways we can help you and your loved ones heal, grow, and love healthy.