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Small Things Often: How To Stay Connected As A Couple

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Therapy Blog for Counseling in Sacramento - Relationship Therapy Center

Small Things Often: How To Stay Connected As A Couple

Nancy Ryan

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Connecting with your partner does not have to take years or practicing difficult exercises. You can learn just a few simple steps and implement them into your regular routine. Before long, your relationship will be stronger will feel more connected than ever.

2 Minutes: Before Parting: Take Time to Connect and Always Kiss Goodbye

Each and every time you and your partner go separate ways in the morning before work, or even if you are going to be apart for just a short time, take a moment to connect.

Spend just a couple of minutes focusing on your partnership. Find out one thing to look forward to in each other’s day.

Always kiss each other for at least 6 seconds; known as the “6 Second Kiss.”

5 Minutes: Admire and Appreciate Each Other

Every day spend five minutes telling your partner kind and thoughtful things. We often think these things but fail to say them out loud. The little things matter more than big gestures. Here are a few tips to add some admiration and appreciation to your daily routine. Spice things up though, avoid making even these little gestures routine.

·       Recreate romantic moments from your past together

·       Stick a small note into your partner's lunch, purse, or somewhere where they will find it later in the day.

·       Send a sweet, sexy, or loving text to your partner in the middle of the day. This will let them know you are thinking of them.

·       Say thank you for small things. We all make the mistake of taking the little things for granted, saying thank you helps to make your partner feel appreciated.

5 Minutes: Show Affection

Relationships tend to go stale if we fail to continue to show affection as we do in the beginning. Remembering to show physical affection, such as kissing, hugging, even holding hands actually feeds the physical need. Our skin is our largest organ and needs physical contact to nourish it and make us feel loved and wanted.

20 Minutes: Reunited with Each Other

Set aside time each day to connect with your partner. Focus on the good things going on and use this time to build on your relationship. This is not the time to discuss conflicts or arguments. Leave those for another time.

·       Find a quiet place to talk, away from stress and distractions.

·       Practice taking turns talking and listening.

·       Focus on supporting each other and building each other up.

·       Ask about your partner's feelings.

For more examples, check out our article on How to Be a Great Listener.

2 Hours EVERY WEEK: Date Night/Love Maps

Dates do not have to include an expensive night out on the town or a fancy dinner. Making a commitment to spend at least 2 hours every week together without distractions from family and other commitments.

Not only will this help to reduce the stress in your relationship, but help to keep your focus on your partnership. Reminisce about the good times in your relationship and keep the time dedicated to your partnership and not outside distractions.

Reconnecting After a Fight

Every relationship is going to have times when things do not go well. Disagreements, misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and anything else can drive a wedge between a couple. When a fight is over, how you move on as a couple can make a big impact on your entire relationship.

Dr. John Gottman and many other experts agree that one of the most important things for couples to maintain a connected and fulfilling relationship. Taking just 30 minutes to reconnect and move past whatever the argument was, helps you and your partner come back together and place the focus back on each other. Essentially, you are putting the argument to rest.

Final Thoughts

Relationships take work to be successful and a positive part of your life. Placing your relationship as a priority is the best way to ensure a long and happy relationship. You are together for a reason, sometimes just remembering why you came together is a good way to rekindle the spark.

If you would like some help implementing these ideas, contact us for couples counseling

Taken from the Gottman Institutes booklet of the same title.