Relationships naturally change over time. You may feel like you are growing apart from your partner or spouse, only to become closer again. Sometimes, though, partners grow apart never to regain the same closeness that they once had.
When a couple grows apart permanently, it is usually a gradual process that happens over time. Being aware of when your relationship is struggling and needs some work can help you take action to fix problems before they lead to an irrevocable rift in your relationship.
Here are some signs that you and your spouse or significant other are growing apart and what you can do about it.
#1 The Intimacy is Gone
When the intimacy disappears, it is a sign that the relationship may not last. Intimacy includes more than sex. Intimacy refers to nurturing, affection and sex. A lack of intimacy suggests that there is a profound disinterest from one or both partners. Intimacy is essential because it binds partners together. A lack of intimacy often alludes to broader problems in the relationship. Harboring anger or resentment towards a partner can lead to a lack of desire for intimacy or closeness. Couples counseling can help rebuild the intimacy in a relationship.
#2 You Don’t Talk
Is there a lack of communication in your relationship? Maybe instead of talking to one another, you watch TV or scroll through your phones when you are together. A relationship is about sharing and communicating. If you are not talking, then it is a sign that you are drifting apart. Communicating is about more than talking about the small things. Do you feel comfortable talking about your desires or wishes for the future? Does your partner open up about things that they are struggling with in daily life? Deeper communication is vital in a relationship. If you don't have that, then you might consider relationship therapy to help you figure out what is getting in the way of open and honest communication.
#3 You Argue Over Everything
Arguing all the time is a sign that something in the relationship has changed. It usually indicates that there is a disconnection. It could be that one or both partners are unhappy. When a person feels disconnected from another, they are more likely to criticize or argue with that person. If there are frequent arguments, it is essential to sit down with a couples counselor and look at what is going on with the relationship.
#4 You Avoid Spending Time Together
Maybe you take on extra shifts at work to avoid spending time together. You would instead take a vacation solo than visit your favorite beach together. Not wanting to spend time with your significant other is a sign that there is a problem in your relationship. Are you hesitant to take that vacation with your spouse because you know that you will fight the entire time? Maybe you and your spouse don't have the same interests and you feel like you won't have fun. It is okay to have your own interests, but when you have nothing in common with your partner, this is a sign of a deeper problem.
Lori Hunter, LMFT specializes in working with families, co-parenting and those high conflict couples struggling with relationships. She helps couples build intimacy, teaching effective emotional processing techniques that directly improve thoughts and behaviors.
If you have grown apart from your partner, it is a good idea to consider relationship therapy to help you figure out what has lead to the disconnect in your relationship and resolve things. If you are in the Sacramento area and searching for counseling in Roseville or Fair Oaks, contact us to schedule an appointment today.