Codependency Treatment: Break Free from Unhealthy Patterns
Are you struggling with putting others’ needs before your own? Do you find it hard to set boundaries in relationships? Codependency treatment can help you reclaim your life and build healthier connections. At the Relationship Therapy Center, we offer expert guidance with codependency therapy in Sacramento and online throughout California and US.
Understanding Codependency: Signs and Symptoms
The term codependency has been around for almost 40 years. Originally it applied behavior of spouses of someone who struggles with substance abuse. But, researchers have shown that codependency qualities are common in the general population. In a broad sense, codependency can be defined as the unhealthy behaviors that bond two people together. A person who struggles with codependency often struggles with being a people pleaser. They sacrifice their needs for those they care for.
If you’re experiencing codependency you may struggle with the following:
- Experiencing appropriate levels of self-esteem. This can bounce from feeling like you’re “better than” other people and being arrogant, to “less than” others or the “worst of the worst.” Regardless of the image you show others, you probably feel lots of shame and inadequacy. You rarely feel “good enough.”
- Wanting others to like you: Opinions really matter to you, and you’ll go out of your way to be liked. People pleasing becomes a focus and they often absorb others’ thoughts and feelings.
Causes of Codependency
- Growing up in a dysfunctional family
- Experiencing emotional neglect or abuse
- Having a parent with addiction or mental health issues
- Lack of healthy relationship models
Understanding these root causes can be a crucial step in your healing journey.
- Setting appropriate boundaries. If you’re struggling with codependency, boundaries are likely to be an issue for you. You may have no boundaries and struggle with saying no. Or, maybe you have complex walls put up to protect yourself. These walls make look like anger, fear, mean words, or silence, and they are meant to push people away.
- Being taken advantage of: Unfortunately, this is a common problem amongst codependents. They want to be loved, so they often go to great lengths to please others, even if it causes problems for them.
- Owning your personal reality. Understanding your reality means being aware of your body, thoughts, emotions, and behavior. You may feel like you need to make up an identity or look to others on how you “should act.” This can contribute to dishonest communication in relationships.
- Taking care of your own needs and wants. You feel a sense of shame regarding telling others what you need because of the reactions you’ve gotten in the past. You feel selfish even asking for help even if you legitimately need it. So, you become needless and wantless. Or, you may expect others to take care of all your needs. But, you don’t actually tell them what you need, you just expect them to know.
- You have mood swings: You’re usually “just fine” until the rage hits. Or you’re totally involved, then completely detached. You think in terms of black or white, there is rarely any grey area. You’re not exactly sure what to think so you either underreact or overreact. Furthermore, if other’s don’t agree with you completely then you think they’re against you and out to hurt you.
Breaking the Cycle: How Codependency Affects Your Life
Maybe you’ve been in relationships with partners who are very controlling, demanding, self-centered, verbally abusive, or addicted to substances. Your relationships are very unbalanced and lopsided. However, despite how upsetting and difficult they can be, you have a very tough time ending those relationships. And you rarely prioritize your own needs in a relationship.
Taking the First Step: Recognizing the Need for Change
This can be an exhausting way to live. You think that if the other person would just _____ (get sober, be happy, finally see all that you do for them, change, etc) then everything would be ok. Sadly, this is not true. Ultimately, your happiness does not rely on them doing anything.
The answer to your struggles is to understand that your are only responsible for your own life. You can only focus on changing what you have control of (ourselves). So, you have to give up trying to make others okay at our own expense. This is difficult to do. However, it is very attainable with codependency therapy and the support of a therapist.
Empowering You: The Benefits of Codependency Therapy
Common Questions and Concerns About Codependency Treatment:
What if my partner never gets help?
There is much healing that can be done in individual work. In fact, many relationships can make dramatic shifts when one person gets help. If your partner does want to come in, we can certainly do couples counseling and address codependent tendencies. The truth is though, that whether you are with this partner or not, it is your behaviors that need to be accessed, your happiness that needs attention, and your self-care that needs improvement.
I’m worried that codependency therapy will make me a selfish person?
There is a difference between care-taking and caregiving. Care-taking is a characteristic of codependency and is deep-seated in insecurity and a need to be in control. Caregiving is an expression of kindness and love. When you care take you often are doing for others what they could do for themselves. You do this out of a need to be needed. Maybe, you think you know what’s best for others, and if they would only listen to you, they would be better off. Caregiving is giving from a full place. When you care give, you wait to be asked for help or advice. You empathize with the other’s emotions and let them figure out how they will handle their problems.
Is it possible to maintain a relationship while working on codependency, or is separation necessary?
It’s often possible to work on codependency while in a relationship, especially if both partners are committed to growth. However, in some cases, temporary separation may be recommended to gain perspective and focus on individual healing.
How long does codependency treatment typically take?
The duration of treatment varies depending on individual circumstances. Some people see significant improvements within a few months, while others may benefit from longer-term therapy. Remember, healing is a process, not a race.
How does codependency differ from healthy interdependence in relationships?
Codependency involves an unhealthy reliance on others for self-worth and identity. Healthy interdependence, on the other hand, involves mutual support while maintaining individual identities and boundaries. In healthy relationships, both partners can function independently but choose to share their lives.
Begin Codependency Treatment in the Sacramento Area or Online in California:
At the Relationship Therapy Center, we use evidence-based methods to help you overcome codependency:
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to reshape negative thought patterns
- Boundary-setting exercises to strengthen your sense of self
- Mindfulness techniques to increase self-awareness
- Trauma-informed therapy to address underlying issues
We tailor our approach to your unique needs, ensuring a personalized path to healing.
- Contact the Relationship Therapy Center to schedule your free 15-minute phone consultation to learn more about codependency treatment.
- Meet with one of our compassionate therapists.
- Begin codependency treatment and recognize YOUR worth!
