You are ready to get help, but your partner refuses. What can you do?
Are you and your partner having marriage problems? Maybe your husband refuses to get a job after being laid off for six months. Your boyfriend of five years gets angry over the smallest things. If it weren’t for these things, you’d have a great relationship. But, you can't get past them. You're ready to get help. However, your partner refuses to go to therapy. The good news is that if your partner will not budge, all is not hopeless. Here are some tips.
Try To Understand Why They Don’t Want To Go
The first step is to try to understand why your spouse is reluctant to go to therapy. Sit down and really listen to the reasons your partner gives. Don’t argue, just hear them out. it could be that they don't think the problem is serious. Or perhaps your spouse is reluctant to talk to a total stranger. Maybe they are not sure how couples therapy works. Understanding why your partner is resistant can help you know how to deal with it.
Explain Your Reasons For Wanting to Go
Explain calling compassionately why you think couples therapy could help. Maybe, write down a list of seasons before you speak with your partner. Talk about what You observe in your relationship. Help your partner understand how therapy will help.
Pick The Right Time To Talk
Choose the right time to talk to your wife about therapy. You cannot effectively have a conversation about serious matters like therapy when you are angry, the baby is crying or the television blaring.
Show respect to your partner during the conversation. Maintain eye contact. Keep your voice neutral and stay calm. Refrain from calling names, accusing and yelling. These behaviors will only make things worse.
Don't nag your partner if they refuse to go to therapy. As much as you want your partner to go to therapy, there is nothing that you can do to make that happen unless they want to make a change. Nagging will do nothing except break down the relationship even more. If they absolutely refuse to get help, accept their decision.
Realize That Your Partner Must Make The Decision To Change
Your partner must make the decision to change. As much as you want your partner to work on your marriage, you simply cannot force them to do so. You can't make changes on your spouse's behalf. They must be willing to do the work. Real change cannot occur unless the person wants it.
If your partner refuses to go to therapy, you must think about what you can and cannot live with. Is their behavior a deal-breaker? Is the anger so bad that you are afraid? Do they continually cheat after promising not to? If so, are these things that you can live with? If not, then you must set boundaries. Your long-term stability and happiness are important. Boundaries help protect those things. Sometimes you can make a big shift in your relationship if you come in on your own for relationship therapy for one. Or if you have decided to end the relationship, Roseville, CA divorce counseling can help you cope with the grief and other emotions that occur when partners split up.
Lori Hunter, LMFT specializes in working with families, co-parenting and those high conflict couples struggling with relationships. She helps couples build intimacy, teaching effective emotional processing techniques that directly improve thoughts and behaviors.